This is amazing because in my circles the SGA fandom was always referred to as having "great fic" and possibly even "better fic than the show itself" XD So it's fascinating that your experience was so different, and why. (Also your stories were definitely the highlight of that fandom for me ♥)
But yeah, in general, I have never felt like my fanfic is not good enough to be fanfic, that is to exist. I've always had trouble putting out fic that doesn't "say" anything. I.e. even if I'm writing fluffy nothings or pure iddy h/c, I need to know what the story is "about" in order to justify time spent in my head writing it. But once I have that, it basically comes down to how well I managed to capture that idea, the fic stands on its own merit at that point. It was either well executed or poorly executed, from my pov, but it's not ever "worthless" anymore.
In a similar way, something like Zoe executes well if it delivers the particular fantasy to the readers. I am not there to compare it to Dostoyevsky or something like that because the purpose of writing the story is different, it delivers different fantasy/ideas/etc. But that said, the Zoe story for me needs to be about some idea, some angle of that fantasy that is unique to it, or it doesn't feel substantial enough to spend time on.
So yeah... I haven't had a major crisis of faith in this craft the way you've had, I just have had a series of minor crises. The yeas I haven't written fanfic were the years I was afraid I had nothing to say, rather than feeling like if I did it wouldn't be worth spending time on it, if that makes sense.
On the other adjacent point you made about editing your own work, I have definitely reached the "overediting" stage where everything starts to seem awful. Sometimes you can come back to it with fresh eyes. Sometimes you need to be in the exact mindset you were in when you wrote it to believe in the feels. It's a delicate balance for me too.
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Responding here to both you and xparrot's comment below:
On the subject of "good", I would ask "for what?" For example: Are you learning new vocabulary from reading this book even though the story itself is boring? That develops a skill, so the book is good for that. VS:Are you instead learning something about how the world works, even though the book is written in very simple language? That enriches your life in a different way.
One thing doesn't need to be good in every category. In fact, I don't think a single work, no matter how amazing, can be good in all categories. There will always be some aspect in which it isn't as good as something else... so I just don't generally compare things like that.
If I'm looking at a show like SGA, it basically either delivers on the entertainment promised without breaking my suspension of disbelief OR my ideals or it doesn't. At one point during SGA I actually walked away for a while (around S2 when they were torturing Kavanaugh) because I felt my idea of what an idealized fantasy world would look like vs the shows differed too significantly. (I suspect the real world events at the time impacted my enjoyment too). But overall, SGA delivered enough satisfying moments for me to keep watching.
I was in the fandom 90% for the fic though. I never quite got past the way it wasn't SG-1, and the show itself was never a fandom I was super into, while I've read almost every fic about Rodney and Sheppard that was written at the time all the same. XD
no subject
But yeah, in general, I have never felt like my fanfic is not good enough to be fanfic, that is to exist. I've always had trouble putting out fic that doesn't "say" anything. I.e. even if I'm writing fluffy nothings or pure iddy h/c, I need to know what the story is "about" in order to justify time spent in my head writing it. But once I have that, it basically comes down to how well I managed to capture that idea, the fic stands on its own merit at that point. It was either well executed or poorly executed, from my pov, but it's not ever "worthless" anymore.
In a similar way, something like Zoe executes well if it delivers the particular fantasy to the readers. I am not there to compare it to Dostoyevsky or something like that because the purpose of writing the story is different, it delivers different fantasy/ideas/etc. But that said, the Zoe story for me needs to be about some idea, some angle of that fantasy that is unique to it, or it doesn't feel substantial enough to spend time on.
So yeah... I haven't had a major crisis of faith in this craft the way you've had, I just have had a series of minor crises. The yeas I haven't written fanfic were the years I was afraid I had nothing to say, rather than feeling like if I did it wouldn't be worth spending time on it, if that makes sense.
On the other adjacent point you made about editing your own work, I have definitely reached the "overediting" stage where everything starts to seem awful. Sometimes you can come back to it with fresh eyes. Sometimes you need to be in the exact mindset you were in when you wrote it to believe in the feels. It's a delicate balance for me too.
***
Responding here to both you and xparrot's comment below:
On the subject of "good", I would ask "for what?"
For example: Are you learning new vocabulary from reading this book even though the story itself is boring? That develops a skill, so the book is good for that.
VS:Are you instead learning something about how the world works, even though the book is written in very simple language? That enriches your life in a different way.
One thing doesn't need to be good in every category. In fact, I don't think a single work, no matter how amazing, can be good in all categories. There will always be some aspect in which it isn't as good as something else... so I just don't generally compare things like that.
If I'm looking at a show like SGA, it basically either delivers on the entertainment promised without breaking my suspension of disbelief OR my ideals or it doesn't. At one point during SGA I actually walked away for a while (around S2 when they were torturing Kavanaugh) because I felt my idea of what an idealized fantasy world would look like vs the shows differed too significantly. (I suspect the real world events at the time impacted my enjoyment too). But overall, SGA delivered enough satisfying moments for me to keep watching.
I was in the fandom 90% for the fic though. I never quite got past the way it wasn't SG-1, and the show itself was never a fandom I was super into, while I've read almost every fic about Rodney and Sheppard that was written at the time all the same. XD