An internet community is probably just never going to have the same resonance as a real life community and all the baggage that goes with it - I can click and leave internet communities with a flick of my mouse, and I can belong to a community without ever letting myself be known or really ever knowing anyone strickly beyond the superficial of liking a tv show - though I suspect even in real life the ideals of community have changed - the town hall or religious building or knowing the people on your street doesn't seem to have the same bearing any more.

however that's not fandom's nucleus, I think.

Yeah, I agree.