(ahh, I lose internet for a day and lose track of the conversation!)
The thing is, I can totally see the appeal of what xparrot was talking about above (and you too, I think): adding sex to the friendship and keeping everything the same except that now they're bonded together for the rest of their lives. I do see the appeal; I just don't believe in it. I believe in an equally unrealistic ideal of lifelong platonic friendship instead. *g
That`s the thing for me - I`d love to believe in that lifelong platonic friendship ideal, I just have a hard time doing so. I don`t actually know of any friendships that last unchanged forever; I know people who stay best friends in spirit, but never in practice. They move apart, they find lovers and get married, and then they call each other once a month and see each other once a year. They still are friends but they have less in common as time goes on, and they both will get other people more important in their lives, no matter how close they once were. In my experience, that`s how friendship changes over time; that`s how it goes. Maybe not always, in all cultures, but in our present society that`s the way it works.
While as I do know married couples who stay together all their lives, who get closer over time. A happily ever marriage to me isn`t just a hopeless ideal, because I know people who have them; I know it`s possible. So to me, slashing a friendship, making it go romantic, is the only possible way to save it, to preserve it, unless you buck or rewrite the conventions of society (which you can do, and I love stories that do pull it off, but I don`t expect most fanfic to be complex enough to manage that...)
It`s not that I think friendship is inadequate without sex, but rather that as far as I can tell, everyone else does - and I go with the flow, rather than fight it. Though when I write slash myself, I try - at least I think I do - to make the sex less important to the relationship than the shared interests, and talking, and h/c - all the friendshippy stuff I really enjoy. The sex is there as an excuse to maintain the friendship I want to preserve. Which, yeah, maybe isn`t realistic, but it's the happiest compromise I've found!
Re: Part 2 (edited)
The thing is, I can totally see the appeal of what xparrot was talking about above (and you too, I think): adding sex to the friendship and keeping everything the same except that now they're bonded together for the rest of their lives. I do see the appeal; I just don't believe in it. I believe in an equally unrealistic ideal of lifelong platonic friendship instead. *g
That`s the thing for me - I`d love to believe in that lifelong platonic friendship ideal, I just have a hard time doing so. I don`t actually know of any friendships that last unchanged forever; I know people who stay best friends in spirit, but never in practice. They move apart, they find lovers and get married, and then they call each other once a month and see each other once a year. They still are friends but they have less in common as time goes on, and they both will get other people more important in their lives, no matter how close they once were. In my experience, that`s how friendship changes over time; that`s how it goes. Maybe not always, in all cultures, but in our present society that`s the way it works.
While as I do know married couples who stay together all their lives, who get closer over time. A happily ever marriage to me isn`t just a hopeless ideal, because I know people who have them; I know it`s possible. So to me, slashing a friendship, making it go romantic, is the only possible way to save it, to preserve it, unless you buck or rewrite the conventions of society (which you can do, and I love stories that do pull it off, but I don`t expect most fanfic to be complex enough to manage that...)
It`s not that I think friendship is inadequate without sex, but rather that as far as I can tell, everyone else does - and I go with the flow, rather than fight it. Though when I write slash myself, I try - at least I think I do - to make the sex less important to the relationship than the shared interests, and talking, and h/c - all the friendshippy stuff I really enjoy. The sex is there as an excuse to maintain the friendship I want to preserve. Which, yeah, maybe isn`t realistic, but it's the happiest compromise I've found!