this is all your fault
Apr. 2nd, 2007 12:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xparrotYes, you. Because I did this, and you did not stop me. So really you only have yourself to blame. (That, and housecleaning puts me in the mood for absurdity, and also 6th season Clex is difficult to write without eventually becoming overcome with the urge to pick extravagantly!tortured!Lex up and give him snugglies and Clark is not quite at that point. Almost, but not quite. Geeze, it's been 50 pages, how many more do you need? Sigh.)
Smallville Season 6: PART II - The Equilateral Sides of the Tragic Triangle Becomes Inexorably More Tangled, In an Arguably Literal Way
(Some 50 pages later. These intervening chapters are of such an intensity of expression that to reproduce them here might wreak terrible damage upon the very fabric of this most fragile system of tubes.)
..."Oh, no," murmured the once-maiden in her meticulously appointed bedchamber that very eve. "Oh, someone, help me!" But diamond tears sprang to the hazelnut pearls of her eyes as she realized no one could hear her elusive whisper.
Little was she to know that those few miles away, her heartsick erstwhile lover had his exceptional ear cocked in the stalwart castle's direction. And no more able was he to refuse that dulcetly importunate whimper than he would have been able to fly, or in his case bear a mountain on his broad shoulders--no, survive an atomic blast--er, circumnavigate the globe on foot--um, bounce a bullet off his manly eyeball--perhaps inscribe a greeting card; is calligraphy generally recognized as one of his superior gifts?--at any rate, amidst the endless litanies of possibilities, that which was least possible even unto the incredible reaches of his power was to refuse that softly spoken cry for assistance.
Thus he came, over hill and dale and field and forest and the occasional exceedingly startled bovine, which blinked brown eyes in profuse confusion before returning unsettled to the chewing of her cud, to Lana Lang's bedchamber. "What is it?" Clark entreated her, and only barely managed to cease pronouncing 'my heart's desire' before it tumbled from his too-bold lips and proved his noble professions of friendship to be only diaphanous cover for his passionately pounding pulse.
In the few moments since he had heard and responded, more dazzling droplets had crowded onto the coral ledge rimming her shining orbs, threatening to spill down the flawless expanse of her rose cheeks. "Clark," her lips shaped her clandestine beloved's appellation, "oh, help me, my hair..."
For indeed, a hank of the raven tresses had seen fit to curve its silken length around the carved and polished cherry bedpost, and there no matter how she tugged and pleaded, like a haggard mother in a war-torn nation clutching desperately at her crying child while flaming arrows whistled overhead, these strands would not release their embrace of the delicately winged cherub engraved upon the wood.
"Oh, Lana," Clark breathed, tears coming unbidden to his own evergreen globes to see such pains inflicted upon this single one he loved more than mother, best friend, teacher, mentor, sister, brother, or father, that is if his father still lived, God rest his soul. "How brave you are, to endure this!" and with fingers augmented by the swift power of a race born such an unfathomable distance away that the light shimmering off Lana Lang's fair forehead would not cast a single ray on the rocky, space-lost wreckage that was all that remained of the formerly ice-encased planet for almost a century, give or take a convenient spatiotemporal wormhole, he began to unwind her tresses from the treacherous post.
So it was, that he was bent solicitously over her maiden-like if technically not literally maiden figure in her distress, when the portal of her chamber did swing ajar, and caught in its frame like the victim of a blackmailer's candid photograph stood Lex. There together he espied them, and seeing his adored seemingly clasped in the fetchingly ripped arms of his one-time comrade and now most manxome foe, the millionaire mogul's heart within his chest did shatter, even as will a tupperware bowl frozen to a scant few degrees above zero Kelvin when hit with a ten-pound sledgehammer.
*cue dramatic organ*
TO BE CONTINUED!!!
For the love of little fishes, somebody do something!
Smallville Season 6: PART II - The Equilateral Sides of the Tragic Triangle Becomes Inexorably More Tangled, In an Arguably Literal Way
(Some 50 pages later. These intervening chapters are of such an intensity of expression that to reproduce them here might wreak terrible damage upon the very fabric of this most fragile system of tubes.)
..."Oh, no," murmured the once-maiden in her meticulously appointed bedchamber that very eve. "Oh, someone, help me!" But diamond tears sprang to the hazelnut pearls of her eyes as she realized no one could hear her elusive whisper.
Little was she to know that those few miles away, her heartsick erstwhile lover had his exceptional ear cocked in the stalwart castle's direction. And no more able was he to refuse that dulcetly importunate whimper than he would have been able to fly, or in his case bear a mountain on his broad shoulders--no, survive an atomic blast--er, circumnavigate the globe on foot--um, bounce a bullet off his manly eyeball--perhaps inscribe a greeting card; is calligraphy generally recognized as one of his superior gifts?--at any rate, amidst the endless litanies of possibilities, that which was least possible even unto the incredible reaches of his power was to refuse that softly spoken cry for assistance.
Thus he came, over hill and dale and field and forest and the occasional exceedingly startled bovine, which blinked brown eyes in profuse confusion before returning unsettled to the chewing of her cud, to Lana Lang's bedchamber. "What is it?" Clark entreated her, and only barely managed to cease pronouncing 'my heart's desire' before it tumbled from his too-bold lips and proved his noble professions of friendship to be only diaphanous cover for his passionately pounding pulse.
In the few moments since he had heard and responded, more dazzling droplets had crowded onto the coral ledge rimming her shining orbs, threatening to spill down the flawless expanse of her rose cheeks. "Clark," her lips shaped her clandestine beloved's appellation, "oh, help me, my hair..."
For indeed, a hank of the raven tresses had seen fit to curve its silken length around the carved and polished cherry bedpost, and there no matter how she tugged and pleaded, like a haggard mother in a war-torn nation clutching desperately at her crying child while flaming arrows whistled overhead, these strands would not release their embrace of the delicately winged cherub engraved upon the wood.
"Oh, Lana," Clark breathed, tears coming unbidden to his own evergreen globes to see such pains inflicted upon this single one he loved more than mother, best friend, teacher, mentor, sister, brother, or father, that is if his father still lived, God rest his soul. "How brave you are, to endure this!" and with fingers augmented by the swift power of a race born such an unfathomable distance away that the light shimmering off Lana Lang's fair forehead would not cast a single ray on the rocky, space-lost wreckage that was all that remained of the formerly ice-encased planet for almost a century, give or take a convenient spatiotemporal wormhole, he began to unwind her tresses from the treacherous post.
So it was, that he was bent solicitously over her maiden-like if technically not literally maiden figure in her distress, when the portal of her chamber did swing ajar, and caught in its frame like the victim of a blackmailer's candid photograph stood Lex. There together he espied them, and seeing his adored seemingly clasped in the fetchingly ripped arms of his one-time comrade and now most manxome foe, the millionaire mogul's heart within his chest did shatter, even as will a tupperware bowl frozen to a scant few degrees above zero Kelvin when hit with a ten-pound sledgehammer.
*cue dramatic organ*
TO BE CONTINUED!!!
For the love of little fishes, somebody do something!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Gah! Kill it now before it breeds!
Date: 2007-04-01 03:26 pm (UTC)Re: Gah! Kill it now before it breeds!
Date: 2007-04-01 05:14 pm (UTC)Re: Gah! Kill it now before it breeds!
Date: 2007-04-01 08:21 pm (UTC)Re: Gah! Kill it now before it breeds!
Date: 2007-04-01 08:24 pm (UTC)Re: Gah! Kill it now before it breeds!
Date: 2007-04-01 08:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 05:05 pm (UTC)But this--
the swift power of a race born such an unfathomable distance away that the light shimmering off Lana Lang's fair forehead would not cast a single ray on the rocky, space-lost wreckage that was all that remained of the formerly ice-encased planet for almost a century, give or take a convenient spatiotemporal wormhole,
and this--
even as will a tupperware bowl frozen to a scant few degrees above zero Kelvin when hit with a ten-pound sledgehammer
--made the headache I got from reading this totally worth it.
And you made me look up manxome. Yay for obscure words!
no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 05:17 pm (UTC)(heh, I didn't realize how physics-obsessed the end got. I am now going to maintain Lex actually is writing this!)
no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 05:37 pm (UTC)I am now going to maintain Lex actually is writing this!
That's just so wrong. Yet I can totally see him doing that (while shitfaced drinking enough alcohol for Lana, Clark and himself). Oh, I ardently beg to be allowed to offer comfort for his physics-obsessed and heartbroken purple prose-producing soul!
no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 02:26 am (UTC)Yes, Lex would have to be a classically tormented alcoholic writer, wouldn't he...(the way he's going, 'tormented alcoholic' really ought to be appended to any of his job descriptions...)
no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 02:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 07:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 02:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 08:14 pm (UTC)You're gonna get some Clex in here eventually, right? Purple Clex of course.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 02:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 02:21 am (UTC)"MANXOME"?!?!?!?!?!
Date: 2007-04-01 08:40 pm (UTC)STOOOOOOOOP. You're killin' me here.
Or else giving me ideas. Either way = BAD.
Re: "MANXOME"?!?!?!?!?!
Date: 2007-04-02 02:23 am (UTC)Twas brillig....
Date: 2007-04-02 02:28 am (UTC)Fine, fine, I looked it up and it is a word. It just SOUNDS like something a smarty-pants like you could have made up.
But seriously folks, the purple-prose is absolutely HILARIOUS. And I keep checking my own writing to make sure I'm not accidentally emulating it. :O
no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 09:44 pm (UTC)I really hope you do continue this story. It's a masterpiece in the making! ♥
no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 02:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 08:11 am (UTC)and into Clark's superiorly manly arms.no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 06:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 12:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 08:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 01:01 pm (UTC)I wish you a most wonderful day of new experiences and great pleasure as you embark this day on a new and hopefully exceedingly more satisfying means of livelihood, and I look forward with enormous enthusiasm to your continued inspired chapters of pompous purple prose when hours of time free of external commitments present themselves to your esteemed self.
And on this agreeable note, I find that my attention must, alas, return to the work of the day, which is of proportions so enormous as to be entirely overwhelming, lest I be further distracted by the obsessive compulsion to continue committing such convoluted and ridiculous ramblings to a forum so public as to expose ourselves worldwide for the incredible idiots that your beloved sibling insists we are.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 12:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-03 11:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-03 12:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-02 10:08 pm (UTC)this is a joke, right?!?!
that term really exists?!?!?!?!
otherwise................DIEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS a thousand death.......
no subject
Date: 2007-04-03 11:57 am (UTC)"diamond tears"
Date: 2007-04-04 05:38 pm (UTC)diamond tears!!