SGA fic: A Mantra for These Times ("Last Man" tag)

[xparrot]

So, essays notwithstanding, I ended up ficcing anyways. Yes, I do love the ep that much.

Warnings: Spoilers, obviously. Angst. And it's gen, mostly (a canon pairing and vague suggestions of others, but they're not the point). Also it may have made naye and gnine cry (sorry?)

SGA: A Mantra for These Times {~9,100 words}
PG, missing scenes for 4x20:"The Last Man"
"It doesn't sound so bad." Untold parts of Rodney's story preceding his idea.

Read it on AO3

Comments

[trystings.livejournal.com]

*blown away*

Why do your fics always leave me speechless? This is precisely, exactly how Rodney must have felt. I hurt so much for him right now, I can barely type.

"I'm sorry, John.

"I updated the operating system with the failsafe override that let the gate connect through the solar flare. I didn't find Teyla in time. I completed the Phoenix and I sent Sam the coordinates of the planet Michael was going to attack. I evaluated and submitted the intell that Ronon followed to Michael's lab.

Oh God! To live with all that guilt and sacrifice the rest of his life to come up with the solution to save Sheppard. There is not enough blue jello in the world for Sheppard to give him thanks!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I usually feel guilty, laying such pain on a character, but in this case it wasn't me...the ep had done it already. ...It's me who had the need to explore it, though. So.

To live with all that guilt and sacrifice the rest of his life to come up with the solution to save Sheppard.

I know! That's what makes it so incredible to me, that Rodney lives with all of this, perseveres for twenty-five years. Man. Oh, Rodney!

[stillane.livejournal.com]

Okay. So. I'm just going to be over here, possibly sobbing brokenly. Ow. Ow, but yes, that's the episode I watched right there. God. Gorgeous job.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you - this is what I saw, watching, so I'm glad it came across. (The angst and the love in this ep, I can't get over it!)

A Mantra for These Times - story

[maxinemayer.livejournal.com]

Wow! What a powerful, moving, insightful and lovingly written, well-written story! My God! I cried in three spots: the paragraph where Rodney thinks of Conan and Xena; the paragraph about Rodney's funeral oration for Sam; and the paragraph where Rodney considers that Jennifer Keller doesn't compare favorably to Teyla, Ronon or Carter, for him.

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing.
Love, max

Re: A Mantra for These Times - story

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! His eulogy for Sam was one of my favorite parts, I love the evolution of their relationship from SG-1 to Atlantis, and their final moments together in the ep were so brief but moving...

[kristen999.livejournal.com]

WOW. This was breath taking, you could feel in the quiet desperation as each month faded to another. I loved this because despite that life went on, fighting a loosing war, Rodney clung to the fact that John wasn't dead...in face he was the oldest living person in the universe.

What a stranger, powerful, sadness, to know that each day that ticked by in grief, that John wasn't dead....he just wasn't here. Oh, poor Rodney, I really felt his struggle and depth of loss.

At the end was that hope against hope---

Because Sheppard is not dead, and will not die for forty-eight thousand years—the oldest man in the universe, and if Rodney can save him, if Rodney can bring him back, then none of this will ever happen.

beautiful

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

Yeah, to me the greatest angst in "Last Man" was in how Rodney keeps going, with all that loss and pain building and building and he never stops hoping. And the way he says "Sheppard is not dead!" made me think it wasn't the first time he'd said it, that he was holding onto that because he had so little else left...

[snarkydame.livejournal.com]

God, that was beautiful. You have such a deft touch with the unspoken and the deeply felt -- it makes me jealous, in a very good way.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! (Also, I know exactly what you mean - "jealous, in a good way" describes my relationship with about half the authors of this fandom. There is a frightening amount of talent in SGA fic!)

[loves-bitch.livejournal.com]

Oh god, wow and ow at the same time.

I feel so bad for Rodney right now and I want to just hold onto him and tell him everything will be alright.

This right here is about when I started crying:

The story they tell is epic and heroic and entirely true, Rodney knows, every bit of it, because he knows Ronon. Because he knew Ronon, before any of them.

Still, he's surprised, standing before the pyre, when the tall, black-haired, black-skinned woman who was Ronon's first lieutenant, or squad leader, or whatever, extends the brand to him. "You," she says, as short-spoken as Ronon ever was, a worthy successor. "He wanted it to be you."

Rodney takes the flaming torch, drives splinters into his palms when he tightens his fist around the rough wood. The crackling heat of it against his cheeks is like a sunburn.


LOVE just so much love.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

So glad you liked it!

For me, "Last Man" was one big long Rodney-needs-a-hug - and in this case I can't even blame John for not being able to give them, because, hologram and all. Oh, Rodney...!

yes

[kormantic.livejournal.com]

that's how it was.

Achingly lovely and brave.

Re: yes

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[spike21.livejournal.com]

That's the one. That will be my canon for missing scenes for The Last Man. Just perfect and it made me cry lots.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I am always honored to know I've managed to sidle into someone's own canon.

[dovil.livejournal.com]

You can add me to the 'this is perfect and I blinked my eyes a lot' brigade.

Wonderful, wonderful stuff.

*third time lucky trying to post this!*

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! (and I appreciate the posting attempts - I've had to give up on commenting before when my 'net misbehaves, so, yes, very appreciated ^_^)

[aworldinside.livejournal.com]

*gulps* This was gorgeous. Oh, Rodney. You really put across his loneliness and pain and how everyone just kept leaving him. And then, all he had was that Sheppard wasn't dead.

I was just holding on (Ronan's funeral pyre, and Sam and empty spaces where people should have been) but I lost it when Rodney typed 'I'm sorry, John ... ' in his letter.

Also, I loved how you repeated the 'Sheppard's not dead' mantra near the end of the fic. It was very effective.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you, this is a wonderfully kind comment. I'm glad to know the repetition at the end worked for you, I was hoping it would hit the right note of emphasis.

[darlulu.livejournal.com]

So much of this rang true for me. I rarely embrace gapfillers/ep tags as personal canon because no matter how much I may enjoy any given fic, there will usually be a disconnect of sorts to contend with wherein the characters, tone, or some other niggling aspect of the piece will clash with what I saw on my screen that week. But here, this meshed perfectly with what I saw in Last Man.

Really, this was exquisitely crafted and emotionally powerful to boot. Well done!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much - I love those tags I mix up with the show, so I'm always honored to know one of my own story's matched someone's personal vision. And with this - yes, this was just what I saw when I watched the episode, all that emotion never stated but *there*...

[ratcreature]

*sniffle*

I enjoyed how you fleshed out the episode, and Rodney surviving the others.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! (Rodney needs a hug, so much...!)

[wildcat88.livejournal.com]

I really loved this. I think you captured Rodney's aloneness and guilt even better than the ep did.

Then none of this is real; then none of the last two years, or the forty-eight thousand to come, will be anything more than a forgotten timeline: time erased by fate, crossed out by all the branching infinities of the universe.

I can totally believe this as Rodney's motivation to work tirelessly for the next 25 years. None of it was real anyway.

*hugs Rodney*

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! To me, the real emotion of the ep was more in DH's acting than what Rodney actually said...you could see the weight and grief of all those years in his eyes.

I can totally believe this as Rodney's motivation to work tirelessly for the next 25 years. None of it was real anyway.

Yes! I really see this near the end when Rodney is talking to Jennifer - she's on her deathbed, and he looks absolutely cheerful - because her death isn't real, she isn't real, everything they had he's now thinking of as a false reality, a wrong one he's going to correct, so what does it matter?

[ladyflowdi.livejournal.com]

This was absolutely incredible. The bleak sadness throughout the entire story was so gut wrenching -- this was exactly what Old Rodney didn't say, exactly what he was feeling in the episode. You made it real and perfect and God, this was fantastic. Beautifully done, I can't thank you enough for sharing this with us.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you - it means a lot, to know it moved you like that. This is what old!Rodney felt like to me, the undercurrents behind his words (mad props to David Hewlett, for all he can say with tone and eyes alone) and I'm so glad I managed to get that feeling across.

(also I saw you rec'ed me - I never know the proper etiquette for recs, but thank you again, I'm honored!)

[argosy.livejournal.com]

Meep. That was so lovely. You expanded the episode beautifully, and oh, Rodney. I'm just going to be in the corner sobbing.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

*passes over tissues* The whole ep was so very "Oh, Rodney!" wasn't it...!

[diamond-raven.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was wonderful! I loved how you took the episode and fleshed out all those scenes that we only saw glimpses of. The progression of the war in Pegasus was heart breaking to read and you made me really feel Rodney's sadness and despair. Thanks for sharing!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I really loved the ep a lot, in part because I was seeing this behind the scenes in all of it, so I'm glad I successfully brought it to life, as it were...

[shayera.livejournal.com]

Wow. So beautiful. So sad. So perfect. I've got shivers.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! ^_^

[(Anonymous)]

That was incredible. God, poor Rodney. I don't think any other SG-verse character has ever suffered as much as that. Not even Jack, not even Daniel. And you wrote it so truly and beautifully. Thank you.

Leah

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Yes, this timeline's Rodney really did go through something...Ronon might beat him on the sheer angst (between losing his entire planet and being hunted for 7 years, I mean, man) but what gets me is how Rodney chose to throw away everything left to try to fix it, and kept trying, for twenty-five years - that's a hell of a sacrifice to make.

[sweeneybird.livejournal.com]

wow - terrific! I love your Rodney-voice - this feels really authentic, sad, and yet hopeful. Yay you!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I am so glad to know my Rodney-voice works for you - I love the char but I have a hard time getting into his head, he's so smart!

[highonstargate.livejournal.com]

*wipe tears away* That was so Good! You wrote this so wonderfully, that I was swept away.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I am so touched to know it touched you!

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

This killed me. Just ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Oh, Rodney. All of your character voices are spot-on, and the way you write his relationship with Keller is exactly the way it would have happened. The part that had me tearing up (and, for the record, fic does not make me cry, so feel honored) was Rodney's listing of the things Keller isn't, his awareness that it wasn't fair to either of them, the whole mess. Just wonderfully written.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you - I don't cry at fic myself, generally (and I never cry at my own, oddly enough) so it really means a lot to me, to know I managed to move you that much.

I actually rather liked Rodney/Keller as in this ep...precisely because it was so impossible and sad and unfair a relationship.

[sholio]

*heart shatters into a million tiny pieces*

This is just wonderful -- so full of little details, so true to the characters. I especially love Ronon's protectiveness of Rodney when they're the only two teammates left, and the way you describe the slow build of his relationship with Keller, the way he can't help thinking about who she's not, the epiphany at the end. (And that his new math was to model sun cycles -- ha! That's so perfect, and it's also a perfect explanation for why they can't do this anytime they want; it's lost along with this timeline.) Dang, you write good. ^_^

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Especially for all the details you caught - the Rodney & Ronon stuff at the beginning, and then Rodney's math at the end. When watching the ep I could only think that it had to be something to do with predicting impossible-to-predict solar flares, but it wasn't until I got to the end of the story that I realized it could tie in to observing stellar patterns for all that time (otherwise one would think he could just include his new math on the crystal, and presto, time-travel!)

[tavabean.livejournal.com]

I am crying as I write this. So beautiful. And so exactly how it must have been. Thank you for writing this, it fills the spaces that were left unsaid.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm so glad it convincingly filled in those spaces for you!

[stoicana.livejournal.com]

Brilliant and painful and so much more than the actual episode was. This was what it should have been - heartbreaking. You write brilliantly and your characterization of Rodney was so, so true. His guilt, his sadness, his anger. I can't praise this fic enough.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I am so glad you enjoyed it! Really, this is how the ep played to me - what wasn't stated outright was in old!Rodney's eyes (man but David Hewlett knocked this one outa the ballpark). But there was a lot unspoken and untold...

[scififreak.livejournal.com]

This is probably the best tag to "The Last Man" that I've read. Your Rodney is absolutely perfect. I believe that this is exactly the story that he didn't tell John in the future. It also makes the episode make more sense. You show why and how Jennifer and Rodney get together, why Rodney spends the next 25 years putting his plan in place, how Pegasus changed him. I can't praise this highly enough.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you *blushes* - considering how many "Last Man" tags I've seen - and a lot of great ones, too! - that is an amazing compliment. And I'm glad it made the ep work for you (writing it helped me come to terms with a few details myself...)