on death-fic

[xparrot]

So I accidentally-on-purpose read (well, skimmed) a MUNCLE death-fic today - well-written, clever, heart-wrenching. It wasn't angst-ridden; the opposite, really. (It was azdak's "Divided Halves" if you're curious.) And it broke me, as they usually do, and not in the good way, but in the makes-me-mopey and -flaily and -writing-essays-instead-of-my-sga_genficathon-story-which-is-due-Thursday way. I love black comedy, and death-badfic just cracks me up; it's the good ones that kill me and my fragile OTPer heart.

And I know they do this to me, and I should know better - it's not that I want to read them, I just can't help myself. For some reason when I see a major character death warning (or something that sounds like a death-fic; I've got an instinct for them) I can't help but click. And then I get broken and have to do my best to forget the fic exists, lest I re-shatter. And end up wishing the fic had never been written, so I don't see it recced everywhere and keep getting reminding of it ("Freedom's Just Another Word..." I'm looking at you!)

Which is ridiculous, of course, because plenty of fans love death-fic, or at least love some death-fic - it seems like folks get different things out of them. Some people enjoy that broken feeling - well, it is intense. And then, some people like moving-on stories, about characters recovering and life going on. The most popular death-fic seem to be those stories which hit both emotional chords - like "Freedom's...", which on the one hand is really more about Rodney's new life, about what he's got rather than what he's lost; but at the same time, what he had with John is irreplaceable. (Which is the only reason I could bear it at all. The way my MIPs* work, completely happily moving on after the loss of a MIP is more painful to me than if they both died...)

* MIP = Most Important Person, gnine and my new word for all those relationships we love that might or might not be "true" OTPs, in that they're not necessarily romantic, but the characters are each other's Number One. E.g. "They might or might not be lovers, but Napoleon and Illya are so totally mippish, no?"

But the truth is - I've never read a true, permanent, non-comedic death-fic I've actually liked. Appreciated, yes; admired, certainly, and if anyone questioned me about the literary merit of fanfic, "Freedom's..." would be one of the first things I'd offer as counter-evidence. But I don't like them; I don't usually save them, I don't want to reread them, and they're never my favorite stories. (This is in fanfic; original fiction is a different matter. What I want from fanfic is not what I want from other fiction.)

The ironic thing is that I love the presumed-dead trope; pseudo-death, where the dead one comes back somehow or other, is about my biggest bulletproof kink. (And I like a broad range of "pseudo" - death-fics where the MIP comes back and sticks around as a ghost? Yeah, all over that, no problem!) It's the ultimate device for showing how important characters are to one another - but it needs the satisfaction of the chars being able to do something with those realized feelings to work for me. This is especially ironic because I know some fans feel cheated by pseudo-death stories, and probably find my enjoyment of them as baffling as I find their enjoyment of death-fic...

The other irony is that I've written death-fic, including long-term ten-years-later death-fic for Psych, of all shows...and that story would probably have killed me reading it, but I just had fun writing it. Maybe because when I'm writing it, it's just an intriguing scenario to explore. A "what if," not "what really happens." Odd that I have so much more trouble reading fic in that light...



In other news, watched the Twilight movie with the MST3K fangirl squad of gnine, naye, and acchikocchi, and vaguely horrified myself by not hating it. Edward & Bella are as stalkerifically wrong a young love as Romeo & Juliet, but since they are teenagers (sort of) it doesn't bother me overly much, and oh! the emo! The director was so, hmm, sincere about the prettiness - so very shoujo, I could almost see the bubbles. And the sparkling was almost as hysterical as promised.

But the Cullen family was just so freakin' adorable I couldn't even laugh at them. A big happy vampire family! That plays baseball together! And cooks Italian! I've seen plenty of vampires trying to get on/stay on the wagon, but never a whole vampire family. Edward can actually depend on his vampire sire, and listens to him about the saving of his favorite hamburger true love...so much trust! Awww~!

Also saw the Who Easter Special. "I love you! I love you!" AHAHAHAH <333

Comments

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Hmm, yes, I know other writers who talk about how they cry when writing things, but it's never been like that for me. I think it's because my canons, I can always "fix"...or something? Actually I'm not sure. I love writing angst, but don't enjoy reading it quite as much...