personal

[xparrot]

Sad pet talk under the cut (and a little sad family stuff), so, yeah, only if you’re in the right frame of mind.



Our Niku Boo, our silly story-filled tuxedo cat, is dying. He’s 13 years old and had a couple chronic conditions for a couple years, but he got worse abruptly and last week I took him in for emergency care, they drained his lungs and did some tests and he’s got lymphoma and probably this scary fatal cat pulmonary virus/condition, FIP. The vet’s recommendation is to put him to sleep when his symptoms get too severe --which will probably be within the next week; FIP kills within a couple months, and he’s already almost stopped eating entirely (after suffering a lot of weight loss) and his breathing is really hard. He’s not acting in pain right now (he’s not hiding or anything) but if/when he does...which I guess is my call to make, along with the family’s, but I’m the main pet carer.

And I don’t know how to make this decision. I don’t want to take Boo to the vet, which he hates, in the car, which he also hates, for his last experience, but I don’t want him to suffer either. And it’s really hard petting him wondering when the last time will be. I’ve been crying a lot and it gives me a headache and I have other things I need to do, but...

I haven’t actually lost a pet, not one of my own, since college, that was a good twenty years ago (I never really bonded with my parents’ later cats, and I didn’t have any pets myself for a decade because I was moving and living out of country and such). It sucks. Every time I feed Boo and give him his daily meds (for the other stuff that probably doesn't matter much now anyway) I'm crying, and it's just, I know he's a cat, we wouldn't have him forever, losing a pet is part of having a pet. But.

Our other cat -- Anna, who is more "mine" as in the one who sleeps in my bed every night (and is on my lap now purring, I think my crying worries her) -- is in good health, she's also 13 but hasn't had any of the issues Boo has had. But it's going to be hard becoming a one-cat household (we have plans to get a dog along with more cats, but there's a lot of logistics to work out there...)

On top of this my mom starts general chemo this Friday, because both of the special targeted cancer drugs stopped working for her (both sooner than hoped). Which has been an awful roller coaster in the last year that I haven't talked about anywhere online because I've never really talked personal stuff online, I don't quite know how.

But my sister's off on tour and my other housemates are all out today (jobs and a job interview and daycare) so I'm alone with two cats, soon to be only one, and I usually love having the place to myself for a bit, but right now I've got a headache and my eyes hurt from tears and I'm lonely in a way my introverted self almost never feels.

I should do work. I think I'm going to go see if Boo wants any petting instead.

(If you have anything funny or cute or happy to talk about, how much you love your latest fannish obsession or something that's gone just right for you, I'd love to hear it...I kind of want to get out of my life for a bit?)

Comments

[sholio]

*hugs* I'm so sorry about all of this. :(

I just read a fic outside my normal fandoms that I really loved, if you're familiar enough with the fandom to know the characters; it's for the X-Men movies and it's got an absolutely hilarious Quicksilver viewpoint, as he and Magneto make various half-assed attempts at getting along. (Though it does deal with some really serious stuff, including, I just realized, the death of a cat ... shit. But it's 20K of fic that's hilarious except when it's incredibly serious and tragic? And it even kind of manages to be tragic in a funny way. So yeah. I can tell you what part not to read if you want to skip that scene? It is a somewhat qualified fic rec. I really liked it though.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8121451

Other happy stuff - do you want to give me any prompts for fandoms we have in common? Is there anything you're wanting to read right now? I would happily write fic for you. ♥

[xparrot]

*hugs* Thank you <3

And heee -- I love the Quicksilver of the X-men movies, will have to check that out (--hahahah I hadn't registered that Pietro's name anglicized means he's actually yet another Marvel Peter, how many of them can they possibly have!? Between Venkman, Burke, Bishop, Quill, and Parker, my Peter fan dance card is getting quite full...and I'm probably forgetting a couple...!)

...and I so appreciate the prompt offer but I am like, what do I like to read? What am I even reading now??? (*looks at Kindle and nightstand* Oh right...Nero Wolfe, and SPN fic again because some holes are easier to wallow in than crawl out of ^^;;;)(...I really need to read your GotG fic, that reminds me!)

[theladysnarkydame]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I still make myself cry if I think about Pico too much, so I know this isn't going to be easy.

I know Boo is loved, and I know he knows it. ♥

[xparrot]

*hugs* Thank you. I hope he does know -- I hope he's been happy, visits to the vet aside, and that it's been worth it for him.

[amalthia]

Hugs.

[xparrot]

*hugs back* thanks

[winter_elf]

I'm so sorry to hear.

I went through similar with my 17 yo cat who started to go through kidney failure. For a month I took her in for fluids weekly. But it didn't last long and she keep declining and not eating. Then she had a seizure one night, lost her eyesight and could not stand up and fell down some stairs. At that point, I knew I was just dragging her suffering out and took her in crying all the way for her to be put to sleep.

Just watch carefully. Unfortunately, FIP is awful. And if your kitty starts crying in pain or unable to move - it's really time to let go.

*Hugs*

[xparrot]

Yeah, so far he's still coming to get food (even though he won't eat more than a bite or two) and he's not made any pained cries (he's a very noisy kitty usually) so I don't think he's in much pain yet, but I'm keeping a close eye.

*hugs* back, so sorry about your kitty.

[sheron]

I'm so sorry to hear that about your cat... It is so hard.

And on top of that I am sorry to hear about your mom too... I am just sendning good vibes and hugs.

I don't have many gen fics saved for SPN but I did find this author whom I liked ...not really fluffy but more h/c style:
https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariadnes_string/pseuds/ariadnes_string/works

(I like her 'Learning Curve' and 'In Our Embers', which granted I read in...whatever year S5 aired. ^_^;;;)


*sends lots of hugs*

[xparrot]

*hugs back* Thanks! And yeah...I got worse news about my mom yesterday, hence the fic request.

Though we're in different places in SPN - if there are any long Steve/Tony fics that fit the super-happy-ending clause, I might be curious to give them a try? ^^

[sheron]

Aww, I'm really sorry to hear that, about more bad news. That's awful. I know what you mean about not being able to talk about this kind of thing in public on DW/Tumblr, but if you ever need someone to talk to in private, I'm around. I'll keep my mouth shut about it too.

(Though... I'm getting on a long plane ride home tomorrow morning so I'll be out of touch for a bit)

Stony: Are you familiar with their relationship in the comics or do you want MCU only? I have some things I can recommend that are either.


for pure MCU, since I think you like lost in the wilderness, these are 2 post Avengers 2012 get together stories:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/12282594
https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456477

I have a ton of fics I can recommend but I don't know if you like post-CW stuff or comics or what. (i.e. if you give me some tips on what you'd like to read I could come up with some)

[xparrot]

*hugs* Thank you <3

And thanks for the recs -- I have no idea when I'll check them out but I'm putting them on the Kindle!

Hmm, I have no idea what I would like or want, I've never actually read the ship! But it intrigues me for reasons I can't quite say...(that's at least in part because I really like MCU Tony but have never quite managed to get into him in fic. I tried some Tony/Loki way back when and bounced off it, though that could be because Loki & Thor is the relationship I'm most interested in there -- Thor's the only MCU fic I've read extensively in, though not for a while. And I tried a bit of Stucky but it didn't do it for me.)

I don't really know Steve or Tony in the comics (my Marvel comics knowledge is pretty much limited to Kid Loki and even that I never made it to Young Avengers.)

(Also I never replied to you back last month but I enjoyed hearing your whole journey of how you fell into Steve/Tony-ing! ^^ ...and I do want to see A:IW again, but I also need to see Deadpool...so many movies so little time!)

[sheron]

One of the things that's super fun about Steve/Tony is that there are so many variants of it. You can pretty much pick and choose which universe to ship them in, depending on what you like for their dynamic. There's the "practically married" 616 comics version (the ship that started it all), the pricklier sexy MCU drama-llama, there's the "everyone is an asshole" Ultimates comics version, and so forth. There's even a comic universe where Tony is a girl and married to Steve! I mean, if you're into gender-bender fic boy has this ship got you covered. (eta: which I'm not saying you do, I'm just saying, there's even this canon to play with)/ There's also all the multiverse fic (eta: which is basically cross-overs between various versions of Stony, which is it's own subgenre, as an example). There's all the "recovery post Civil War" which has various versions depending on if we're talking about the comics version (Steve dies, Tony self-destructs in the aftermath) or the movies version (well, you know!), and there's so much comics canon that fic likes to play with. What I'm saying is, if you end up shipping it, you'll probably find fic that suits your tastes (and I'd be happy to help you look). But obviously it's not everyone's cup of tea. I already told you how I ended up here, I had NO IDEA I was gonna ship it as hard as I do now. But... I kinda ship it like burning so yeah. I'm enjoying my time in the fandom :)

I still have all the Thor & Loki feels, I just don't find enough gen fic for them (which is what I'm there for, with them) and I also find their current canon deeply satisfying (Thor3) so I don't feel like seeking out much fic for them.

Anyway. Let me know if you do check it out eventually (Stony I mean)! And yeah, I'd like to see IW again myself. I haven't seen the Deadpool movies at all....

[catalenamara]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[xparrot]

***hugs*** back...thank you! <3