xparrot | personal

Sad pet talk under the cut (and a little sad family stuff), so, yeah, only if you’re in the right frame of mind.

Our Niku Boo, our silly story-filled tuxedo cat, is dying. He’s 13 years old and had a couple chronic conditions for a couple years, but he got worse abruptly and last week I took him in for emergency care, they drained his lungs and did some tests and he’s got lymphoma and probably this scary fatal cat pulmonary virus/condition, FIP. The vet’s recommendation is to put him to sleep when his symptoms get too severe --which will probably be within the next week; FIP kills within a couple months, and he’s already almost stopped eating entirely (after suffering a lot of weight loss) and his breathing is really hard. He’s not acting in pain right now (he’s not hiding or anything) but if/when he does...which I guess is my call to make, along with the family’s, but I’m the main pet carer.

And I don’t know how to make this decision. I don’t want to take Boo to the vet, which he hates, in the car, which he also hates, for his last experience, but I don’t want him to suffer either. And it’s really hard petting him wondering when the last time will be. I’ve been crying a lot and it gives me a headache and I have other things I need to do, but...

I haven’t actually lost a pet, not one of my own, since college, that was a good twenty years ago (I never really bonded with my parents’ later cats, and I didn’t have any pets myself for a decade because I was moving and living out of country and such). It sucks. Every time I feed Boo and give him his daily meds (for the other stuff that probably doesn't matter much now anyway) I'm crying, and it's just, I know he's a cat, we wouldn't have him forever, losing a pet is part of having a pet. But.

Our other cat -- Anna, who is more "mine" as in the one who sleeps in my bed every night (and is on my lap now purring, I think my crying worries her) -- is in good health, she's also 13 but hasn't had any of the issues Boo has had. But it's going to be hard becoming a one-cat household (we have plans to get a dog along with more cats, but there's a lot of logistics to work out there...)

On top of this my mom starts general chemo this Friday, because both of the special targeted cancer drugs stopped working for her (both sooner than hoped). Which has been an awful roller coaster in the last year that I haven't talked about anywhere online because I've never really talked personal stuff online, I don't quite know how.

But my sister's off on tour and my other housemates are all out today (jobs and a job interview and daycare) so I'm alone with two cats, soon to be only one, and I usually love having the place to myself for a bit, but right now I've got a headache and my eyes hurt from tears and I'm lonely in a way my introverted self almost never feels.

I should do work. I think I'm going to go see if Boo wants any petting instead.

(If you have anything funny or cute or happy to talk about, how much you love your latest fannish obsession or something that's gone just right for you, I'd love to hear it...I kind of want to get out of my life for a bit?)