Sunday Snippet: Guardian

[xparrot]

Things are stressful but overall okay here for now. Like everyone we're operating on a "could be worse" basis, and yeah, things could be a lot worse for us.

In a more traditional whine (just like old times!), March is almost over, and I've managed to write every day so far -- my tally last night was a measly 155 words, I've only broken 1,000 twice this month, and it's frustrating as hell (I've done NaNo more than once, for pity's sake!). And there was just a Guardian exchange that I didn't sign up for, in large part because I'm so uncertain about my words now and the particular format of the exchange unduly stressed me out; but I do work better on deadlines, more often than not, and with a recipient to not let down -- responsibility is a good motivator...

...So I'm dealing with the stress and self-doubt by working on fic that I know no one will read -- okay, that's not totally true, my lovely and kind naye is reading it! But I wouldn't read it, for all I want to write it (it's Shen Wei/other, pre-Kunlun, a prequel to the Dixing pon farr fic that's not even h/c, basically just all angst?)

He's unprepared, when Hei Pao Shi moves--as fast as he would in battle, crossing the last distance between them. He twists Xia Zhi around in one head-spinning motion, grasping his wrist and bending his arm back to pin him in place. The table edge digs into his stomach, and Xia Zhi gulps in a breath, tries to steady his sudden tremor--he came for this; he should have been ready for it.

Though Hei Pao Shi isn't yet pressing against him. His arm isn't even braced, yet Xia Zhi cannot move against it. The hand around Xia Zhi's wrist is sweat-damp but firm, so tight a grip that Xia Zhi's fingers are going numb. Hei Pao Shi's breathing, this close, is a little fast, too shallow, but even.

"This will not be easy," Hei Pao Shi says. His voice is no louder than before, but there is a tension in it now, the sharp and quiet threat of a blade against the throat. "I do not intend to hurt you--but I cannot promise that I won't."

Xia Zhi cannot move--trying to push back, to free his wrist, is as futile as trying to lift a mountain. "And you," Hei Pao Shi continues, "must remember what I will not--you must stay focused, and adamant against me, or it will all be for nothing."

Xia Zhi holds himself still, works up the spit to wet to his dry tongue, to keep his voice from cracking. "I can," he says. "I will."

Hei Pao Shi lets him go.

Comments

[sheron]

I wrote like 163 words in March, literally >.>

I definitely sympathize with the lack of CAN. I'm glad you're managing fic steadily, by working on it every day. *cheers*

[rlyqueer]

I definitely feel you on the battle with the writing demons. But it's awesome you're still writing every day! I think every little bit counts, even--maybe especially--when it feels like it doesn't.

Also damn that snippet... The tension! I loved the pon farr fic possibly an unreasonable amount, and have always wondered about Shen Wei's past before meeting Kunlun and his traumatic experiences insinuated in the fic. I would absolutely read this prequel ftr, but I know there's a sense of comfort in just writing something you're not going to publish. It def helps take the pressure off. Good luck with fighting those writing demons!!! 💪

[clevermanka]

I am absolutely going to read that fic. So you know. I read Deep Waters in (nearly) one sitting (I allllmost just sat in the airport to read the last chapter instead of driving home). I'm definitely here for the prequel. I want to see how that Shen Wei got to where we see him in Deep Waters.

[rheasilvia]

It's so great that you've written every day! I think you can be proud of that - you are SO far ahead of me, seriously.

a Guardian exchange that I didn't sign up for, in large part because I'm so uncertain about my words now and the particular format of the exchange unduly stressed me out; but I do work better on deadlines

Oh man. Same here. On the one hand, I am regretful because I do think I would have gotten more writing done with the exchange - but on the other hand, none of us really need more stress in our lives right now. So in the end, I do think that people who find this kind of challenge stressful are right to abstain. Better times will come again, and then we can subject ourselves to the challenge bears with reckless abandon. ;-)

I am still pondering what a low-stress writing challenge might look like, that we could use to motivate ourselves without stress. I think we can put something together!

And writing what you want to write is definitely always the way to go, so more power to you. The readers will do what they want, what matters is that you do what YOU want. ;-)

[trobadora]

Sorry you're struggling with the writing! I feel you on that, A LOT. I'd only just managed to recover my mojo a little earlier this month, and now I've fallen into a hole again. /o\

But it's great that you've been writing every day! Every little bit helps.

Your fic sounds really interesting. Not sure if it will be my thing, but this snippet looks great!

[umadoshi]

Let there be no doubt in the world that I'll read this fic. I will be all over it.

*hugs* I'm sorry you're having to wrestle so hard with the words. I hope they start flowing more easily again.

[galaxysoup]

I for one will totally read the Pon Farr prequel! But I also totally feel you on the writing woes. It's why I didn't sign up for 520 either. I didn't even get anywhere on my lockdown fic. :(

The scariest part for me when I hit a writing slump is always the fear that this is just what my writing is going to be like from now on. This March has lasted for years and sucked all the way through and I don't like it!

I'm glad that you're all safe and reasonably well, though. And I believe that your writing mojo will come back to you!! It's really good that you've managed to write every day - even if it's only a little bit, that's really impressive!!