Sunday Snippet: Guardian

[xparrot]

Things are stressful but overall okay here for now. Like everyone we're operating on a "could be worse" basis, and yeah, things could be a lot worse for us.

In a more traditional whine (just like old times!), March is almost over, and I've managed to write every day so far -- my tally last night was a measly 155 words, I've only broken 1,000 twice this month, and it's frustrating as hell (I've done NaNo more than once, for pity's sake!). And there was just a Guardian exchange that I didn't sign up for, in large part because I'm so uncertain about my words now and the particular format of the exchange unduly stressed me out; but I do work better on deadlines, more often than not, and with a recipient to not let down -- responsibility is a good motivator...

...So I'm dealing with the stress and self-doubt by working on fic that I know no one will read -- okay, that's not totally true, my lovely and kind naye is reading it! But I wouldn't read it, for all I want to write it (it's Shen Wei/other, pre-Kunlun, a prequel to the Dixing pon farr fic that's not even h/c, basically just all angst?)

He's unprepared, when Hei Pao Shi moves--as fast as he would in battle, crossing the last distance between them. He twists Xia Zhi around in one head-spinning motion, grasping his wrist and bending his arm back to pin him in place. The table edge digs into his stomach, and Xia Zhi gulps in a breath, tries to steady his sudden tremor--he came for this; he should have been ready for it.

Though Hei Pao Shi isn't yet pressing against him. His arm isn't even braced, yet Xia Zhi cannot move against it. The hand around Xia Zhi's wrist is sweat-damp but firm, so tight a grip that Xia Zhi's fingers are going numb. Hei Pao Shi's breathing, this close, is a little fast, too shallow, but even.

"This will not be easy," Hei Pao Shi says. His voice is no louder than before, but there is a tension in it now, the sharp and quiet threat of a blade against the throat. "I do not intend to hurt you--but I cannot promise that I won't."

Xia Zhi cannot move--trying to push back, to free his wrist, is as futile as trying to lift a mountain. "And you," Hei Pao Shi continues, "must remember what I will not--you must stay focused, and adamant against me, or it will all be for nothing."

Xia Zhi holds himself still, works up the spit to wet to his dry tongue, to keep his voice from cracking. "I can," he says. "I will."

Hei Pao Shi lets him go.

Comments

[xparrot]

*hugs* and sympathy... It's so annoying because writing is one of the ways I can deal with stress and feel better, but then when I'm stressed the writing gets harder!

I hope you can manage some words yourself now that work has let up...though with everything else being so crazy, who knows...!

[sheron]

I am trying! Just knowing that I *can* is nice. But it's hard because all those writing muscles have atrophied. I'm trying to get back into it by looking at some fannish stuff, rewatching favourite bits of canon etc. So at least it's a nice journey :)

But yeah, it's frustrating since I also use writing for stress relief and distraction.

[xparrot]

Arrrgh I know that atrophied feeling too well! How do words word?! Do you have any fic you want to finish or are you looking for inspiration for something new?

But revisiting canon for what you love can be such a great feeling (I should do that myself!), have fun with it!

[sheron]

I have two WIPs (Steve/Tony XD) and one of them is like 3k and edits from done (from back when I had time to write) and one is longfic and I want to work on both of them, my brain is just not used to writing anything anymore.

Revisiting canon is surprisingly nervy after a while because "what if you don't like it as much as you used to??" but that worry doesn't tend to come true, as I remember what I love about canon every time.

[xparrot]

Revisiting canon is surprisingly nervy after a while because "what if you don't like it as much as you used to??" but that worry doesn't tend to come true, as I remember what I love about canon every time.

This is pretty much always the case for me -- I honestly can't recall going back to something I used to love and not finding at least some of what I adored still there (the last time I watched the original SW trilogy I was meaning to put it on as background viewing as I crocheted and then just ended up watching without looking away ^_^) I'm glad it's true for you as well!

Good luck finding your words! --especially the nearly-done WIP, ahahah I have one fic in a random fandom that is literally like 2 paragraphs from the end (I really should go finish it!)