Sunday Snippet: Guardian, and how I am the worst slash and gen fan ever

[xparrot]

The last few weeks have been very confusing for me writing-wise because somehow my brain decided to deal with all the stress and disruption of present times by making me write porn. Which is pretty normal stress-relief for a lot of people, but I...am just not into smut? For the longest time I've said I'm both the worse gen fan ever because I have so many ships; but also the worst slash fan because while I love romance, I always just skim the sticky bits.

I've been writing explicit stuff on occasion for years now -- I actually enjoy writing it more than reading it, have never figured that one out -- but this run I think is about the most I've ever written at once (...and I think it's pretty tame stuff really, but it feels like A Lot to me ^^;;;)

But I seem to be working it out of my system because last night I went back to an old and much-loved trope wheelhouse and wrote pure angst and ahh, it was very nice! Not sure yet what I'm going to do with this, if anything. But there was some talk on Twitter a bit ago about presumed dead and how there wasn't enough of it in Guardian fic, and this is a variation on one of the ideas that came up...

Zhao Yunlan locked the apartment door, and then stood before it--exhaling, his shoulders falling, his head canted down.

"Zhao Yunlan?" Shen Wei could not help but ask, even knowing too well that it would go unheard. He reached out, wishing he could only extend his hand from the wormhole to touch Zhao Yunlan's shoulder. To tug him to turn around, so Shen Wei might see his face now.

In a moment, Zhao Yunlan heaved another breath, and turned anyway to move further into the apartment. Shen Wei peered anxiously into his revealed face, but saw--nothing. No expression he could identify; no expression of feeling at all. Zhao Yunlan's sensitive, mobile lips were set together, not smiling, but not twisted with a scowl either. His brow was relaxed for all the slightly tense hunch to his shoulders. His eyes were...

His eyes were blank, vaguely unfocused, enough that Shen Wei feared he'd been hurt after all, in a way Shen Wei hadn't been able to discern before. Surely his team wouldn't have allowed him to go home alone if he were concussed, or some other injury.

Or else perhaps Zhao Yunlan had been concealing it from them. While he was not limping, his steps were dragging as he crossed the room. As if he were exhausted, though it was not so late. Maybe his stomach was troubling him? Though instead of going to his bed, or to the refrigerator for his medicine, he went to the table instead. Took one of the bottles there, then turned to the counter and started to reach for one of the glasses in the drying rack that Shen Wei had washed this morning, and had since been unable to put away.

Except Zhao Yunlan paused, his hand outstretched for the glass. Froze for a moment, not even breathing, and then let go the held breath in a short, harsh rasp, as he spun on his heel, turned away from the rack of clean dishware.

Comments

[i_am_zan]

[" but I...am just not into smut? For the longest time I've said I'm both the worse gen fan ever because I have so many ships; but also the worst slash fan because while I love romance, I always just skim the sticky bits."] - YES, yes this, this is me too. Perhaps for me though I came to slash late - or rather my realisation of what it was kind of dawned on me over a long period of time.

My first attempts at writing fanfic was back when I was 10 (mostly Star Wars and Star Trek) ... and at 10 with no one to tell me better ... ahahaha years (decades really) later when I fell into the black hole that is Minekura - only then did I realise. And at 10 , smut was the furthest thing from my mind.

I do read it but writing it, I've only made half-hearted attempts and have decided that I will leave that to those better at it than me, quite willing to read some of it if it is within a story well told, but I too gloss over it ... and then carry on.

And I haven't fallen down the Guardian rabbit hole, even though everybody I know everywhere is telling me to. I just haven't the time.

However, in these mad, mad times, I hope you and yours are doing ok. Stay safe, stay strong and stay sane.

Love and hugs ... Take care - Zan

[marycrawford]

I don't often respond to snippets because I try to save some energy for actual story feedback, but OH HALP please continue this?

The things happening here, through Shen Wei's clueless POV, OH MY. Zhao Yunlan is so broken, and he's going to drink (a LOT) from the bottle because he can't deal with touching the glass that Shen Wei washed. ;_; And Shen Wei either doesn't realize he's supposedly dead (I assume? but he's in a portal, so..) or is so far gone in self-denial that he doesn't realize his death has broken ZYL, and I can see either happening. And I want to wallow in alllllllll of ittttttt.

[frith_in_thorns]

Aaaaaa such delicious angst!

[clevermanka]

[umadoshi]

*wails quietly*

[naye]

Shen WEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

writing sex and angst

[rheasilvia]

I also skim or skip sex scenes regularly, although in my case, it's not because I'm not into porn at all. It just has to move the relationship, characterization and/or plot forward in order to interest me. It's the same when I'm writing. What I really want is the emotion, the passion; I want to see/get at the actual people through the act, not just the bodies.

It just occurred to me that perhaps part of the reason why I still haven't managed to write a proper sex scene in Guardian is that the relationship is so intense that taking it physical can't actually level it up. While I am convinced that they do have sex, its not at the heart of the attraction or the relationship in my eyes. After all, this is the canon that gave me the most intense, well-developed, passionate and satisfying m/m love story I have ever seen on-screen - all without a single kiss.

Maybe you enjoy writing porn more than reading it because then, you can concentrate on exactly what it is you want to get out of the scene? As an example, it might not be the mechanics, but rather the angst and need and surrender (or something else!) that interest you...?

And I was really interested by your switch between writing smut and angst, because: The same emotional pay-off that I get from a good sex scene can also be delivered in another way, because it's about showing the need and love (and whatever else) for me. So angst and porn can actually do the exact same thing for me as a reader, and it makes perfect sense to me that you would swap these out for each other when writing. ;-)

And: Oh no, poor Zhao Yunlan. I surmise that something has happened to Shen Wei, and Shen Wei is (still) underestimating the hurt that will cause ZYL...