and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth

[xparrot]

Because we watched the SV premiere. Several days ago. Yeah, it took us a while to process. Time to fan the flames of indignation, etc.

Okay, so it was better than most of last season. Unfortunately that's not saying much. If you liked the ep, don't read this. Unless you want to point & laugh at the crazy fangirls, of course! In that case, go right ahead.

We liked some bits. (The Clexy ones, specifically. And Bizarro, who was hot and shirtless. Mmm. Was that really Tom Welling's voice, or was it electronically manipulated in some way? Good show, TW.)

Most of the other bits? Not so much.

Biggest sticking point for me: Lex Luthor doesn't want revenge.

Let me repeat for posterity's sake. Lex Luthor doesn't want revenge. For his "beloved" wife who was, apparently, brutally murdered - and he doesn't care who did it. Yes, I know, saved by an angel (exhibiting powers he's observed in known aliens for several years now, but he doesn't make this logical leap - oxygen deprivation, bad writing, or a bone thrown to all of us who have believed that he saw Clark as an angel from the first moment he opened his eyes on the riverbank?), seeing world in whole new light, etc. But to not care?

The only way I can make sense of this is that Lex actually knows what Lana did, and turning himself in is in fact restitution for what he did to her before, i.e. the fake pregnancy. He's not confessing this to spare her reputation and give Lana her freedom. Or something.

(There's also the Lex-nalysis spin, that Lex is talking the fall to be punished for 33.1 et al, that after his Supergirl salvation he no longer can live with what he's done, but cannot confess those crimes because he still believes they're necessary for the sake of the planet.)

(The third thought is that he's got some mastermind plan in motion, in which his imprisonment is a key factor, perhaps to provide an alibi when the major shit goes down--oops, sorry. I was channeling JLU!Lex for a second there.)

Speaking of jail-time: Smallville Police: most incompetent ever, or just Kryptonian-blinded? So they arrest Lex Luthor on the extremely circumstantial evidence of a single recording of a private conversation in which he was arguing with his wife and strong words were spoken (although he never threatened her life outright.) It'd be hard to argue a car bomb is a crime of passion, so how exactly are the prosecutors planning on spinning this? Lex Luthor, billionaire, decides he wants the nice public murder of his wife on his record?

Meanwhile, it never occurs to the cops to talk to the infamous jealous ex-boyfriend who not only was in the papers as the third point of their love triangle, but several months before abducted the murder victim. In front of oodles of witnesses.

Presumably Lana set up Lex in some other way (assuming she's how the police get hold of that office recording) - made sure to call a couple dynamite companies from his office? Planted Vehicular Explosions for Dummies in his briefcase? - but to explain this I would have to think about how Lana smoothly and competently arranged all of this, pulling the wool over two pairs of Luthor eyes, and then I would start frothing at the mouth. I'm going to just assume that Lionel switched sides for the billionth time and helped her out, because otherwise, the frothing.

...Lex's office. That reminds me. How the hell did Lois get in there? I know Lex's security sucks, but seriously, people. Is the Luthor mansion on permanent open house? Is Lex so strapped for cash that he sells tickets?

And about Lois. Or about Clark. gnine will be going off about this in her own post, but it bears mention - Clark lets Lois wander off to confront Lex about what happened to Chloe, even though his later conversation with Chloe herself makes it clear that Clark had a good guess what really happened, that it was Chloe's mutant genes kicking in. Therefore, letting Lois go to Lex was nothing short of criminally stupid. Not only is Lex dangerous, as Clark says - but if Lois marches in and starts demanding to know how her cousin got brought back to life...that's pretty much telling Lex exactly what Chloe's mutant power is. Which really, really wouldn't be a good idea. He'd have her trussed up and in a cell in 33.1 in five seconds flat. That power is just the finishing touch his supersoldiers need.

Clark Is Dumb, part 2 - Lana "dies" and he has the amazing revelation that humans are fragile. What about when his dad died? I felt for Jonathan there. Sorry, man, you're nothing compared to the all-consuming love-power of Lana Lang.

I also feel sorry for Chloe. She's crying her eyes out for Lana, who faked her own death to get back at Lex. Meanwhile when Chloe's death got faked to save her from Lionel, Lana was living it up in Paris and dating Dean Winchester.

Martian Manhunter talking about the Bizarro, how he was rejected all his life and that's why he's the way he is...shout-out to Lex apologists? I thought it pretty obviously could be referring to Lex as easily as to the Bizarro. Interesting that it seemed perhaps to inspire some sympathy in Clark...I'd hope that this is a sign for things to come, but I know better than to hope. Smallville has beaten that out of me!

And last thought - what happened to the little kid (boy? girl? I couldn't tell) Lois was running around with in the collapsed tunnels? He/she is presumably the experiment number whatever Lex was so concerned about, but where are they now? Not that I actually care about anything that happens in the show these days, but...I don't want to go back and check, did it say if the kid was taken to the hospital, or did they run away, or what?

Oh, Smallville. Why can't I quit you?

Comments

[attaccabottoni.livejournal.com]

It didn't seem like an important plot point, so I totally ignored the contrived meeting of Bizarro and Lois in the mansion. It serves the dual purpose of (1) showing that Bizarro was looking for sex with Lex and ended up jerking off in Lex's bedroom before providing a situation to show a kind of backhanded hint of future Clois, and (2) avoiding a scene where Lois has to grieve over Chloe's brief death (yet again), and/or Lois' discovery of Chloe's mutant powers. (And why aren't Chloe and Clark letting in Lois in this pertinent info on her cousin's health anyways?)

I also feel sorry for Chloe. She's crying her eyes out for Lana, who faked her own death to get back at Lex. Meanwhile when Chloe's death got faked to save her from Lionel, Lana was living it up in Paris and dating Dean Winchester.
Part of me is content happily living in the part of SV denial-land where "Lana-the-love-mutant" is the ultimate fanwank hypothesis. The more optimistic part of me is still holding out on the fake baby explanation. Maybe Model 503 is the one that nabbed Lionel, who/which will proceed to force the Magnificent Bastard to cough up his secret agenda behind the Lana-centric mysteries, or something.

I don't trust any character by this point (except the oblivious Lois) to be thinking straight. Lex, while still believable in his current craziness, is too much a mess, and the plot holes get more bizarre by the minute, as evinced by my increasingly cracky thoughts about them. And the more doomed they make Lex to be, the less inclination I have to quit looking for explanations for this show. *hugs your Lex-nalysis like a security blanket*

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

I know the Bizarro/Lois meeting was contrived and yet I still couldn't help but jump up and down and screech...just how? how? I know SV only has about 6 sets but couldn't they have picked...the Kent farmhouse or something? Forget Lois going after Lex, Clark could've distracted her asking for something from home. Or anything! Anywhere but the Luthor Halfway House for Stranded Chars in Need of a Sexy Room.

I still think Model 503 is the little kid who was with Lois & Chloe in the tunnels. But maybe it was the one who walked off with Lionel, who knows! And yesssss...the plots make no sense, and yet I cannot help but try to find sense in them all the same. I think we're as crazy as Lex! (does explain our sympathy...)

[lexii314.livejournal.com]

Meanwhile when Chloe's death got faked to save her from Lionel, Lana was living it up in Paris and dating Dean Winchester.

::Pokes you hard:: Dean Winchester would never in a million years 'date' lana lang!! LOL.....!!! ;p

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Okay, okay, fine - Dean Winchester's alternate universe stupid (but still pretty) evil football-playing twin!! XD

[jakrar.livejournal.com]

I am frothing in complete sympathy. *smacks AlMiles* Try using logic and consistent characterization!

[jakrar.livejournal.com]

Er...the snarl about using logic and consistent characterization was directed toward AlMiles, not toward you. Just wanted to make that clear!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

XDDD I figured as much. (your icon is far too appropriate. I hope we find out that the real Lex has been bound in the basement for the last season. Like "Onyx" except instead of good & evil it's the smart & stupid Lex...)

[lukita.livejournal.com]

I watched the thing through Clex goggles, it didn't help much...

Oh gods, I think I'll agree with the others about Lana in China... But obviously she hates Clark and Lex both, except the police was a little too dumb to get the both of them and thus depriving us fangirls of Clex prison sex. ♥

...and dating Dean Winchester.

I have to remind myself that it's the shorter brother, gods being a Gilmore Girls fan really messed with my brain when it comes to Supernatural.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

The goggles do nothing! XDDDD

I had just gotten into GG when I first watched SPN, it took several eps to straighten the Deans out in my head. And now I don't think I can rewatch GG without trying to figure out why Rory's Dean isn't busting ghosts XD

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

The Lex-nalysis is the only thing that helps me make sense of Lex doing that. I buy it because MR is just that good, and I don't want Lex to be weak or stupid. The lack of wanting revenge is the only part I can't explain, and what I'm thinking is, he's too overwhelmed with grief (not just for Lana, for his drowned supersoldiers, his dad, Clark, his grand plans and all the effort and the piece of his soul he put into it, only to fail again and be wipe down to nothingness) and guilt to have room for the anger he's going to feel later. He SHOULD want to find Lana's real killer, if he hasn't figured it out.

Someone needs to write us Clex in prison, where the police arrest Clark later. I mean, it's only fair.

And as I have said elsewhere, there need to be double jeopardy kill Lana fics. Moral? Maybe not. Legal? Hell yeah :D

She's crying her eyes out for Lana, who faked her own death to get back at Lex. Meanwhile when Chloe's death got faked to save her from Lionel, Lana was living it up in Paris and dating Dean Winchester.
Lana is fucking unbelievable. She's the worst friend ever. I want to know why Chloe would ever want to be around her, if she weren't emitting her wonky love-me powers. Lana's not supportive, she doesn't care what's going on in Chloe's life, and she only talks about herself and asks for favors! Go away needy bitch!

Martian Manhunter talking about the Bizarro, how he was rejected all his life and that's why he's the way he is...shout-out to Lex apologists? I thought it pretty obviously could be referring to Lex as easily as to the Bizarro.
I literally commented on this in IM when I was watching. AND I want Bizex loving. They both WANT love... god, it's such a testiment to HOW MUCH Lex loves Clark (at this point, I ask why) that he wouldn't at least try to convince Bizzy to ignore Clark and start his own life. I mean, what's Clark gonna do if Biz takes a name and starts to assimilate? Whine? He can't attack him if he's not threatening anyone.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

It's a testament to SV's...badness that Lex's lack of vengeful feelings hardly occurred to me while watching the ep; it wasn't 'til afterwards that I went, waaaaait a minute. So in this 'verse, Superman is the vengeance-driven one, and Lex Luthor just wants true love. Riiiiight. I think I want to slap Clark for the "Love is hard and hate is clean" line. Clark's the one who can't let go of hate, who takes out his anger on meteor freaks and whatnot (with the watch-stealers after Jonathan died, after the wedding), who can't love enough to be happy with his beloved's happiness but needs to possess her, cannot bear her being with anyone else even though he can't make her happy.

...Okay, calm, calm, breeeeathing...this show's still got it! Nothing can get me on a fan-tear faster than SV...

Chloe is in love with Lana. That's the only way I can make sense of her; as best friends, they're nonsensical, but Chloe helplessly in love - to the point that she does put Lana's happiness first, far above her own - at least works psychologically. I just choose to believe it's Lana's love-powers that inspire this overwhelming emotion.

I thought it pretty obviously could be referring to Lex as easily as to the Bizarro.
I literally commented on this in IM when I was watching.

Ah, so you got that impression to! I read a review that seemed to think this was a leap of interpretation, but to me it seemed painfully obvious. If way too simplistic - the Bizarro is taking on the identities of others, presumably because he either lost or lacks his own identity; he's not just killing for the sake of killing (he is sometimes, but not always). Argh, I hate SV's moral sense...I know it's comic books, but it still drives me nuts. Or maybe it's the psychological sense...SV chars do good things, or bad things, for no particular reason whatsoever...seemingly just because they want to self-identify as "good" or "evil." It's D&D morality, chaotic good or lawful neutral...so irritatingly inhuman. Even Lex doesn't genuinely seem to believe he's doing the Right Thing; he thinks he's evil but doing it anyway, and just...why?! People don't work like that, darn it!

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

Clark's the one who can't let go of hate, who takes out his anger on meteor freaks and whatnot (with the watch-stealers after Jonathan died, after the wedding), who can't love enough to be happy with his beloved's happiness but needs to possess her, cannot bear her being with anyone else even though he can't make her happy.
That's so true. He and Lana are very ugly, selfish people.

I'll buy Chloe as helplessly in love with Lana. Poor gal. Find a new girlfriend. Lana ain't worth it. *ships Chloe/Mercy like woah*

I think what gets me about Bizarro is that... Clark does seem to sympathize, but then he goes to kill him anyway. wut? That's... HORRIBLE!!! I don't understand why he didn't take a moment to at least ask him to be his brother, so neither of them would have to be lonely. He does it for cute ten year old girls (Maddie) and another one of the Good Guys, but with Lex or Bizzy, it's INTO THE SUN WITH YOU.

Clark, are you jealous that Biz got with your Lex? Hm? Or was that rage that he hurt your ex-bf? *sigh*

[kpjmm.livejournal.com]

A lot of things had me going 'what?', through the whole show.

I thought the extras on the show were not great, but for the fishing boy. I hated Lex's minions and why have we never seen them before? His lawyer sucked and his security lady trying to get Lex to run away seems like an idiot to me. Why couldn't they have kept Bartlett?

Lex's army is totally destroyed? So, the only interesting thing for Lex's story is gone...great.

I am one of the few that just doesn't care about BizarroClark. I actually like Clark better than BizarroClark. The scene with Lois was funny, but that scene was just plain weird. Lois wasted her time at the mansion, so I guess it's no big deal that Lex doesn't have any security.

I'm not a huge Chloe fan. I just wouldn't have cared if she died or not. In fact, I don't feel that way for Lionel or Lana for that matter.

I care for Lex, Lois, Clark the most. I am looking forward to Kara, because frankly they really don't have anything for Clark to do and Jimmy is a fun character.

I don't think Lex will be obsessed to Kara as he was to Clark by getting that close to her, but more like using her as a way to be close to Clark.

I really don't know what to think of Lex turning himself in due to trying to be 'good' again. I know that Lex isn't 'Dr. Evil' or full of nothing but hate like Clark says. I guess it will just be used a plot device to let Clark and Lana be together again. Which is ok, because the last thing I want is more Lex crying over Lana.

Lastly, I believe that Lex needs someone to be on his side. Clark has every major character on his side and Lex has zero! Anyone else see something weird about that?

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Lex's minions seemed pretty darn incompetent. The lawyer-type person (the one Bizarro killed? I couldn't tell if he was a lawyer; first he was talking about circumstantial evidence like it was truly dangerous, then he was giving a business report. And then he was dropping dead, as Lex minions tend to.) and the security woman who could've been Mercy Graves but so wasn't...Mercy would've clonked Lex on the head and dragged him off to safety. They were both pretty useless, and yeah, where did they come from? Totally agree that Lex needs some people on his side...I've been complaining about that for months!

And good point, too, about Lex's army so conveniently destroyed...I forgot about that, but it enraged me watching the show itself. All those soldiers, dead (not to mention...LuthorCorp clean-up must be great. Otherwise they'd be finding corpses all over the place where the damn washed out...)

Once upon a time I liked Chloe and Lionel. Not anymore. So yeah, it's hard to care about any of the chars these days. And Kara...I'd look forward to her more if I weren't so confident of the show's ability to totally screw her up. Some of the spoilers I've read, too, don't encourage me...sigh! It's gonna be a long season...

[lukita.livejournal.com]

they'd be finding corpses all over the place where the damn washed out...

Nah, Clark totally cooked them, using that amount of heat to vap that much water in such a short time... Even if somebody found something later, no doctor in the world can say it was once part of a human body, DNA would have been destroyed and bones melted. Clark just became an accessory.

[caligo16.livejournal.com]

Biggest sticking point for me: Lex Luthor doesn't want revenge.
That jumped out at me too as strange. I don't think he's onto Lana at all yet...he really seemed to be mourning her so I think he really believes that Lana was murdered. I guess maybe he's just so broken at this point that he's not thinking completely straight and hasn't got as far as planning revenge against the real killer? Or maybe after his "religious experience", he thinks he should do the "right thing" and let the legal system see to justice instead of taking it into his own hands? Right now, I'm assuming that he was just turning himself in so as not to resist arrest and to go through the trial, but that he doesn't plan to plead guilty. At least I hope we're not supposed to think that he'll be pleading guilty to something he didn't do and let the real murderer get off free.

Another possibility that occurred to me is that Lex thinks Lionel killed Lana and framed him. He knows that Lionel is missing, but I'm not sure if he has any idea that Lionel was near the dam when it burst so maybe he just thinks that Lionel skipped town after framing him for Lana's murder. He seemed to be having people looking for Lionel since he asked his lawyer about him so maybe he still plans to have Lionel brought to justice for the murder, but is willing to sit in jail for the meantime because he feels that he deserves to suffer some too. Maybe...IDK, lol

So they arrest Lex Luthor on the extremely circumstantial evidence of a single recording of a private conversation in which he was arguing with his wife and strong words were spoken (although he never threatened her life outright.)
Ugh, that pisses me off so much. At most, they seem to have grounds to question him, but to issue an arrest warrant so quickly on the evidence we've seen so far...ridiculous. And where did they get the recording? Did Lana just drop it in the mailbox at the police station and they listen to it and don't bother asking how convenient it is for this to show up right after Lana's murdered?

lol, great point about Clark. After "Crimson", he should be the most likely suspect or at least one of the suspects.

I would have to think about how Lana smoothly and competently arranged all of this, pulling the wool over two pairs of Luthor eyes, and then I would start frothing at the mouth
Me too. But I think that we really are supposed to believe that Lana managed the whole thing because she's just that wonderful and amazing. And I'm really dreading to see how they're going to spin this so that Lana framing Lex for murder was somehow justified and that she's still the blameless victim here *rolls eyes*. Especially if she murdered her clone - There was a body. The death certificate in the hospital said DOA so there had to have been a body. And people have been speculating since Lex was looking at that long-haired "Ares soldier" in "Phantom" that Lex had a clone of Lana. Lana probably found out about the clone and then got it out of Lex's lab without Lex knowing (I think I died a little just typing that) and the clone died in the explosion (and isn't that murder? Unless the clone was somehow inanimate or not sentient...but Emily was definitely sentient...). Model 503 is probably the clone and when Lex learns that the body in the morgue is 503 instead of Lana or something, Lex will figure out what Lana did...and hopefully plan his revenge on her.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

(ahh, I really need to catch up with the TWoP forums, they must be having fun these days!)

Or maybe after his "religious experience", he thinks he should do the "right thing" and let the legal system see to justice instead of taking it into his own hands?

Yeah, that'd be how I'd read it, except that if the police are spending all their time on him, they're not looking for the real killer. Though maybe Lex just doesn't care about Lana getting justice, so concerned about his own sins. (...in SV I'm used to the heroes being selfishly self-centered that I get confused when the villains are, too. Lex is usually the one char able to think - somewhat - beyond himself...)

And where did they get the recording? Did Lana just drop it in the mailbox at the police station and they listen to it and don't bother asking how convenient it is for this to show up right after Lana's murdered?

Where did Lana even get the recording? Was she carrying a tape recorder then (possibly trying to provoke Lex into saying something incriminating?) or did she somehow get hold of the office's security footage? Lex, why does your security SUCK THAT BAD? Argh!

Especially if she murdered her clone - There was a body. The death certificate in the hospital said DOA so there had to have been a body.

This is a good point, we were trying to figure out what was up with the body in the car. Something had to have been there. A clone would be interesting...maybe the clone was already dead when Lana got hold of it. Or something.

I think Model 503 was the little kid running around with Lois, because I can't figure out what the hell else a kid was doing down there (it wasn't the one the Zoner possessed, right, that kid died, yes? Or did I miss something...I don't watch as close as I could. Hurts too much!) But it could be the clone. Or someone else mentioned it might be whoever dragged off Lionel.

...It says something about this show that I care more about what 503 is than what happens to Lana or Chloe or Lionel. Nothing good, unfortunately...

[caligo16.livejournal.com]

Where did Lana even get the recording? Was she carrying a tape recorder then (possibly trying to provoke Lex into saying something incriminating?)
I think this is exactly what she did. People were saying how stupid it was for her to go to Lex in "Phantom" like that and provoke the guy she's supposedly so scared of and running from. But now, I think it was all just a part of her plan. She went to see Lex and said the things that she knew would hurt him the most (incapable of love, they never had anything real between them, he couldn't compare to Clark, etc) in the hopes of drivnig Lex to say/do something violent/angry to make it look like Lex had motive to kill her. Plus, the way she threw out "what are you going to do, Lex? Kill me?"...Oh yeah, I think that whole confrontation was completely planned by her and she had a recorder with her.

I think Model 503 was the little kid running around with Lois, because I can't figure out what the hell else a kid was doing down there (it wasn't the one the Zoner possessed, right, that kid died, yes? Or did I miss something...I don't watch as close as I could. Hurts too much!)
No, that was the same kid as the one possessed by the phantom. The kid should have died when the phantom left him like what happened with the old man at the beginning of "Phantom". But I guess they decided having a kid die like that is too awful so they had him pop up so that we know he's fine. It's stupid...but well, it's Smallville. Lex probably knows the kid is okay since I'm assuming Lois and Clark brought him to the hospital with them so I don't think he'd be looking for the kid anyway.

I tend to suspect Model 503 is the clone because the word "model" sounds like one of his soldiers and we did see him look at that long-haired soldier in "Phantom" so it might make sense if he's wondering if that one turned up in the wreckage. And the reason Lex's men can't find it is probably because Lana took it. I hope I'm wrong because if Lana managed to take it out of Lex's lab without Lex ever knowing...I'm going to cry.

It says something about this show that I care more about what 503 is than what happens to Lana or Chloe or Lionel. Nothing good, unfortunately...
Ha, yeah, I feel the same way. I really couldn't bring myself to care about any of the characters in the episode other than Lex...but that's been pretty much the case for me for the last season or so... *sigh*

[bagheera-san.livejournal.com]

I'm willing to cut Lex some slack in the redemption matter. Consider how over the top his reaction to the car accident in Pilot was (We have a destiny!) and by now, he is a good deal more confused and less stable. A rational reaction to Kara would be preferable, but on the other hand, Lex's life has been awfully full of religious imagery. Crucified people, twice. People rising from the dead. Near death experiences - multiple times, including the Ghost of Christmas Future. Martha Kent's immaculate conception miracle spaceship baby. Possession by evil spirits. And it's much easier for him to put his saviour in a different mental box from Zod, because if there was any doubt at all that aliens are evil, it would be a damn deal harder to justify the steps he has taken to fight them.

And, well, Kara didn't get wet. Obviously she must be a supernatural being.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

This is all true, especially the last point, that Lex has put all aliens in the Threat to Humanity category (even going so far as to distrust Clark), so salvation would have to come from somewhere else. Still, to leap to Angel, that's pretty extreme. After Clark saved him, he decided he was meant for greater things; then an angel saves his life, and he decides he...needs to go to prison for a crime he didn't do? If anything I'd think the salvation would be validation of all he's doing...only Lex could twist it into this. (That, or SV's amazing braindead writers...)

Still wanna know why the cops aren't questioning Clark. He's the obvious first suspect.

[ender24]

//Meanwhile, it never occurs to the cops to talk to the infamous jealous ex-boyfriend who not only was in the papers as the third point of their love triangle, but several months before abducted the murder victim. In front of oodles of witnesses.//

your review is soooooooo funny!
except it wouldn't be more funny if it wasn't probably true!

//Lana was living it up in Paris and dating Dean Winchester.//
lolol, now i am really looking forward to watch SPN *ggg*