unedited, at 9 AM

[xparrot]

The 9 AM is my bedtime, you see. (oops?) And the unedited is because I don't really want to think about this again, so I'm just putting it up raw, as is...I might read it over for typos later, but I might not. This isn't a real story, it's just something I had to get out of my system. Which I'm posting publicly because I have no shame, also, 9 AM (9:30 now!)

Umm. So I'm an OTPer, and very, very sensitive. Which means I really shouldn't have read friendshipper's recent flashfic, but I did anyway, because I'm also a masochist of the sort who always has to poke a bruise to make sure it still hurts (ow!)

So this is an entirely unauthorized sequel to her story. It's not what she meant her story to be, not by a long shot. Among other things, I pretty much totally sidestep the central threesome of her fic in favor of John and Rodney. It's a fix-it for a fic that isn't supposed to be fixed, that's not intended to be broken.

This story not actually McShep; it's not about destroying what she wrote. But it is changing things, making the chars go my way instead of hers. This still isn't a future I want to see, this is not how I want it to go. And yet I couldn't let it go. So. This. With all my sincere apologies to friendshipper, because it's not her fault I'm an oversensitive OTPing lunatic. Also to gnine and naye (please don't kill me tomorrow? Or today rather?)

nor let it be fearful
PG-13 for language, ~3,400 words
a fic response to Peace I Leave With You by Sholio/Friendshipper

Read it on AO3

Comments

[sholio]

*flails* Why would I *MIND*? (Except for you staying up until 9 a.m., good god, I really hope you're in bed now!) This is sweet and awesome and beautiful, and the funny thing is, I don't think you missed the point at all; I think you actually nailed the slightly-timeshifted-forward characterizations that I was using. I think your John and Rodney here are exactly on the same page, when it comes to characterization, with the ones that I wrote. And you didn't downplay or undermine any of my pairings -- I actually think this works beautifully. There's no reason why this could not happen in my 'verse; the drifting-apart is something that sometimes happens as people age, but the drifting-back-together that you've written here is just as plausible, and gorgeously imagined. I think yours works as a wonderful second half to mine -- the pairings are still in place, but you've also got the friendship solidly in place as well, along with the implication that it's just as enduring. And you also nailed something that is absolutely true -- that friendship still is important even after one's married with kids, and people don't lose interest in all the things (and people) that used to matter just because they've gained a new set of responsibilities and interests.

Like I was saying elsewhere, I can certainly handle a future that splits up the friendship. But you know what? I like this future much better. *g* And what I was talking about over there, that I like to deal with the effects of a third-party relationship on the friendship -- this is why, because sometimes it can be tested and come out strong enough to weather even life's biggest changes, even a years-long separation or misunderstanding. And, even though I can actually see John shutting someone out once they're off the team, I think the way that you've written it here is perfectly in keeping with both boys' lousy interpersonal skills -- each of them assuming a different thing about the current state of their friendship, getting drawn into a negative feedback loop. And you're not giving Ronon short shrift either, because his concern is a quiet but plain thread here as well.

And, who knows, there could be a pretty nurse or a handsome Traveler out there for John somewhere, too, once he's back on his feet. And he has friends to help him get there. ^_^

I'm sorry that I broke you a little bit with the original story, but I'm glad that it spurred you to write this, because I really love this and as far as I'm concerned, it can be their future. Thank you for writing it! I really do love and appreciate it. *hugs*

Edit: And lovely pickup on my title there! ♥

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

...Umm, well, I got some sleep? A couple hours? ...Work is going to be so much fun ^^; (thank god for evening schedules, at least!)(& just so you don't think I'm completely nuts, a lot of this overreacting has little to do with you or your story and is more a matter of timing...I'm a slave to hormones, and fuck being female anyway XPPPP)

And whew - I am so glad you liked it! I knew you wouldn't object to it, because we have matching views on fandom participation and interaction and remixing and the like, but I wasn't sure if you'd actually like it...so yes, glad!

I am especially glad that you think it rings true to the chars as you wrote them - as always I try for, if not canon-compliant, then canon-understandable, but I wasn't sure if I was pulling on the right strings. What killed me the most about your story wasn't just that the friendship had faded, but that neither of them really cared that it had - John's one thing, but we've many times seen Rodney swallow his pride and reach out for the sake of their friendship, going back to Trinity. So that he wasn't trying in this future, when there wasn't any major split stopping him, was basically saying that John didn't matter to him once he got hooked up. And Ronon and Teyla didn't care either, and that just hit me where it hurts...so I had to see it as a misunderstanding, and, um...yeah.

there could be a pretty nurse or a handsome Traveler out there for John somewhere, too

Ack, I hope not! I'm sort of maybe kind of okay with this because it's not a stretch for me to see John as just not cut out for having an SO, not needing that kind of relationship in his life. But if he actually does want it, then I pretty much can't help but believe that he must have been in love with some/all of his team, and that every single one of them rejected him for someone else...that's too heartbreaking!

...and how come I call myself a Rodney fan and then spend so much time trying to untangle the knotty disaster that is John Sheppard's psyche? Hmmm...

Anyway. That you're willing to accept this as a future does make me feel better about it. Now I'm going to write John & Rodney being stupidly shmoopy and try to put this out of my poor wee emotional fangirl heart.... ^^;;

And lovely pickup on my title there!

Heh - I go for quotes when strapped for titles myself, so I knew right away to Google yours ^^

[sholio]

Ah, oops, I conflated your replies with Trystings; she's the one who said that what would have "fixed" the story for her would be John having a mate too.

[spike21.livejournal.com]

*snif*

Am I going to have to write my own version where it turns into an OT4 and I don't have to cry myself to sleep?

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

YES. YES YOU ARE.

[spike21.livejournal.com]

*snort* This was, btw, quite lovely in its bittersweet way. Poor John. I just ache for him.

[absenceofmind.livejournal.com]

i don't know SGA, i don't even know the previous story, but reading this i can guess why you felt the need for fix-it fic. and i heartily approve. plus, i think the appeal of mcshep is that they're both really proud, intelligent, stubborn people, and that leads to MORE room for miscommunication than you'd think possible.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Oh, if you don't know SGA that well - it's not just that they're proud jerks, they're also both COMPLETE SOCIAL RETARDS (it's part of their charm) - which is sometimes a relief, as it makes fixing things like this, or certain problematic things in canon, rather easier!

...An OTPer's job is never done...! <3

[absenceofmind.livejournal.com]

it's like all you need is that basic moment of epiphany XDDDD since everything is always just a matter of giant misunderstandings! though, i'll have you know, in real fix-it fic there is always happyending!sex ::looks at you pointedly::

parrot-chan you know i love you for your OTPishness ::smooshes::

[kristen999.livejournal.com]

I have to go to bed to catch an early flight, but this was beautiful. I don't think I could stand the idea of John drifting apart from his team like that..but I could understand why and you brought them back together in a very realstic, gut twisting way.

Though you scared me with the C-4 thing after a second! Part of me thinks that this could merge into an OT-4 thing because John deserves to be happy too, darn it!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Yeah, John drifting, and the team letting him drift, just killed me. So, necessary fix-it. I'm very sensitive! ^^;

(...if I'd let this go any longer it probably would've gone OT4. Or OT6, because why leave Teyla & Kanaan out? Besides, Jennifer would probably appreciate having another girl in the mix!)

[winter-elf.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!! Thank you for this remix. I love friendshipper, really I do. And I usually love her stories... but I shouldn't have read that one either - for the exact same reasons you mentioned. *sigh* Thank you for making them friends again, and if not more, well, at least talking and not broken.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

I knoooooow - I love Friendshipper & usually love her stories, it's so hard for me not to at least peek! And then my poor fragile fangirl heart has conniptions.

...if it makes you feel any better, in my version of this future it goes OT4 anyway. XP

[elyc.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's the PERFECT sequel to friendshipper's story!! XD I loved her story but I was so depressed that Rodney and John aren't the "bestest friend ever" anymore...*sniff* But your story... *happy sigh* Thank yoz SO MUCH! XD
Rodney & John friendship + Team-Love....awwwwwwwwwww.... :-))))))

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Hee - breaking up the team, and John & Rodney's BFF-ness, is unforgivable...except I love Friendshipper and had to forgive her, so...fix-it! Very glad it worked for you...

[tzzzz.livejournal.com]

Yay! friendshipper's fic did make me hurt for poor John and his isolation from the team, and from Rodney. I'm so glad that you gave us a resolution.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

So glad it worked for you! I just couldn't leave John all by his lonesome like that...

[trystings.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

God I'm crying. At the office.

But yes, this. friendshipper's story struck such a chord with me. I realize the focus of her story was Rodney and his relationship with Ronon and Jennifer, but I was so overwhelmingly sad for Sheppard, I couldn't let it go. I thought Sheppard deserved more after five years of flinging himself on grenades for his friends. AND YOU FIXED IT! (Well, partly).

I know this is what happens in real life. People get married, start a family, their priorities shift and there is less time to spend with their friends, especially if those friends are still single. And those friends pull back, because they don't want to be the fifth wheel on the wagon during celebrations and family time and their frame of reference is different now, because they don't have spouses and kids, so what are they going to talk about anyway, right? And it's sad when that happens in real life, but even sadder when it happens on a small base where your friends' happiness is right in your face and you're confronted every day with what you have lost. I know that realistically six years from now this could happen, I'm just not ready for it yet. :)

And my main complaint was that Friendshipper said that Sheppard would be okay, that he's hard to read and doesn't invest in relationships anyway and I don't see Sheppard that way. He might shut people out to save his damn pride, but I don't think he would be happy with the situation.

(And on a McShep note: it also stung that Jennifer gets everything: Rodney AND Ronon and Rodney off the team and with her in Atlantis and that Sheppard is left with nothing, but I didn't want to shift the focus of the discussion. HOWEVER... feel free to McShoop fix this as well. *g*)

I should stop now. People want to know why my eyes are red.

The 9 AM is my bedtime, you see.

I went to bed at 3.00 am after much internal debate and commenting and I spectacularly overslept this morning. Boys, boys, what you do to me... XD

Thanks again.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

*hands over tissues*

I say I'm a Rodney-fan, but John can break my heart almost as bad. And in this, especially yes, because I have been there, I'm a happy single now, but it stings when your friends' lives go different places, places you don't even want to follow. (Friendshipper's fic almost got me crying because I was flashing back to my last day of university, graduating and then bawling for pretty much the entire 2 hour drive home, because while I knew I'd see a lot of my uni friends again, it would never quite be the same...) It's realistic...but I don't really like realism in my happy places! Screw reality, give me fluff! XP

But it's worse for John, because in real life most people can move on, they have their families and they can make new friends. John has no blood relations he's really on speaking terms with, and he doesn't make friends easily, and it's hard on Atlantis especially...so yeah, I don't really see him being able to move on. And while I do see John as pretty introverted, he still needs people...he'd be able to function alone, I don't think he'd be depressed, exactly...but he wouldn't really be happy again, not how I see him. And it especially hurts me that Rodney and Ronon and Teyla would let it happen, that they would be so content with their own relationships that they'd stop caring about John, after everything he's done for them...I can't see that happening.

(As for the McShep...heh. I avoided much mention of Keller in my story for a reason. And yeah, I don't think she's done anything to deserve Rodney or Ronon's love, much less everything else... I'm finding it increasingly more difficult not to dislike her character these days. And my worst nightmare is that the show is going to end like this, with Rodney with Keller instead of his team...oh well! Whatever canon does, we've always got fanon - McShep & Team forever! XP)

[trystings.livejournal.com]

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult not to dislike her character these days. And my worst nightmare is that the show is going to end like this, with Rodney with Keller instead of his team...oh well! Whatever canon does, we've always got fanon - McShep & Team forever! XP)

The weird thing is, even though I hate the Rodney/Keller ship, I don't dislike Keller. If nine episodes from now, she and Rodney part ways amicably, I'm going to rewatch this season and thoroughly enjoy every scene she's in.

But yes, if I read Mallozzi correctly (and god, I hope not), we are hurtling towards a wedding. His idea of giving Rodney and Katie a child never made it to a script, because Rachel Lutrell announced she was pregnant, but it shows that he likes the idea of Rodney with a family. And Rodney has already broken up with a girlfriend once, they can't repeat that storyline.

I hate the idea, but whilst staring at my navel during yoga class tonight, it came to me that I might have to accept this stupid ship, if I want to survive the season. I'm still hoping for a huge twist though. *pushes Ronon forward* :D

Lovely title by the way.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Ehhh...one of the reasons I don't like Rodney/Keller is that I just don't like Keller much; it's not that I dislike her, but she bores me. Like Elizabeth, she's simply not a char I'm interested in watching or reading about. So the McKeller ship is adding insult to injury...Rodney + Keller actually makes me like Rodney less, which is a terrible thing!

Oh well, I don't think they can get as far as marriage this season...in a weird way I'm kinda glad the show is ending, because I fear the places Mallozzi would want to take it, had it continued...(oh man, if the final episode ends with Rodney proposing and Keller accepting, I am gonna have a mental breakdown! dangit, show, why do you have to do this to us? *whimper*)

[anniehow.livejournal.com]

Wonderful.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[less-star.livejournal.com]

Oh, John! Excellent tag to an excellent story.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[jujuberry136.livejournal.com]

This was lovely. THANK YOU. The idea that John and Rodney would both let their friendship just fade away and be okay with that was hard for me too (but I still loved friendshipper's fic) so I'm super happy to see this.

Part of this story that got me was John's relationship with Kade. I'm not sure if you were going for this, but I really read it as not only John recognizing that Rodney's priorities had changed (rightfully so after having a kid) but imparting his relationship with his father onto Rodney and Kade's (i.e. wanting Rodney and Kade to have as much time together as they could to bond, where he and his father didn't). Again, I could be reading too much into this.

Overall, loved it. Sorry you lost so much sleep!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

So glad you enjoyed it! Yeah, what got me wasn't even that the friendship faded, so much as that none of them cared enough to do anything about it.

And I don't know if I deliberately wrote it that John was looking at Rodney & Kade through the perspective of his own relationship with his father, but I love the idea, I can totally see that...

[raiining.livejournal.com]

OHhh!!!


Oh, see, I GET it. I get the loyalty to an OTP, and I get the feeling of inherent /wrong/ when you read something that's almost but not quite what you want, and I get the need to fix it. And I'm SO GLAD you did! I read friendshipper's, and it was okay, but I knew this was coming and it was better.

And I think you did a great job - I agree with her that you didn't change anything too outrageously, and you kept the idea, but you sort of worked John into it in a way that made sense. It was beautifully done.


(I read this great fic called 14 Years, or something, I forget by who, that chronicles Ronon's 7 running years and the next 7 on Altantis. And it was awesomely done and John/Rodney in the background, but then at the very end it changed to John/Ronon and ... I just wheeled, because I was *in* to the story and *committed* to the story and when it switched couples I kept reading because I /did/ like it but it suddenly wasn't right anymore. Bugged me for two days. Damn tv is rotting my brain >.<)

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

It was sort of a challenge to me, to keep within the 'canon' established by the story but still make it right by my (overly invested and emotional) standards - so I'm very glad it succeeded for you!

(gahhh, I hope that fic labeled its pairings somewhere, it would've killed me! I could take a threesome, or if John & Rodney had never hooked up, but to have them break up, to have John choose Ronon over Rodney...yup, that'd've shattered my wee OTP heart! ...umm, yes, I am insane, I have said that, right? ^^;)

[perspi.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was so utterly LOVELY. *HEARTS*

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, especially since I know you really liked the original story.

(...your icon causes me much confusion; I've never seen House, so instead I keep looking at it thinking, "Wow, poor Bertie Wooster looks so tired...")

[perspi.livejournal.com]

Yes, I loved the original story, and I think you did an EXCELLENT job addressing how our two guys have drifted apart over a misunderstanding (as only those two could, you know?) and then Rodney rectifying that separation in a way that didn't bash the relationship set up in the original.

And my icon, hee--it's actually from a movie of HL's. :)

nor let it be fearful by xparrot

[sgafan33.livejournal.com]

Aw! They're all friends again! Thanks!

After reading friendshipper's story, I was going to ask for a sequel in my comments, but I wisely decided to read you story before commenting. Thanks for this excellent follow-up. It fit right in with the original story and made my "but I don't want John to be unhappy!" heart glad.

You handled the McKay/Sheppard confrontation beautifully. Rodney spent a lifetime so his team, his family, his city, could be safe. If that's not love, what is? I'm glad you figured out a way to have Rodney and John stumble back into each other's lives within the existing story.

And thanks for giving John a bed he can fit on. I don't know why the show doesn't give the Earth men proper beds. Teyla, Cadman and Heightmeyer all had beds that didn't have their feet hanging over the end (yes, I know they're all shorter than Sheppard and McKay, but still).

Re: nor let it be fearful by xparrot

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Awww, glad you liked it! I like imagining happy endings for all, and the team staying close (whether or not they still go off-world together) is the only really happy end I want to see!

And heh, yeah, what is with the beds? The Ancients were a very short people, apparently, or else they all slept curled up in fetal position...

[astridv.livejournal.com]

Ah, that was heartbreaking, I'm glad that you got them all to be together in the end. Most of all, I don't want to see the team split apart over this.

I'm really torn about the whole love triangle (which I've actually always seen to be between Rodney/John/Jennifer instead of the Rodney/Ronon/Jennifer the show textually pushes). I love Rodney and Jennifer together, but I also love the thing between Rodney and John, whatever it is. And I don't want to see any of the characters get hurt over this. I want to see them all happy.

Haven't worked it out in my head yet. With Sam/Rodney (my other het ship on this show) it's much easier, because I can just include John for a happy OT3. But that doesn't work in this case because I just don't know how John relates to Jennifer at all. They didn't have enough on screen interaction, I guess, or not enough chemistry.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Loved this, that was what I came to say. ;)

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Heh - I'm a friendship OTPer before I'm a slasher; breaking up the team, or John & Rodney's friendship fading, is a more depressing thought to me than any pairing happening or not happening. The McKeller makes me wibble because I don't like the thought of Keller replacing John in Rodney's heart, that Rodney would run to Keller instead of John, if "The Shrine" happened again - I get all flaily and sad considering it! The Sam/Rodney 'ship doesn't bother me because Rodney had his thing for Sam before he ever met John, and also because I can't actually see Sam/Rodney lasting; they're too explosive together (though with John to leaven them in a threesome, it might work...)

If John's asexual or close to (which is pretty much how I was thinking of him here, and how I see him in the show sometimes) then I can see him being okay with being Rodney's best friend while Rodney has a girlfriend. Otherwise, if John is interested in a relationship, I can't help but see him as being in love with Rodney, and then, yeah, it's hard to find a happy ending for him within McKeller...

--Er, yes, my thoughts on SGA pairings, let me show them to you! Very glad you enjoyed the story ^^

[tieleen.livejournal.com]

I've just now read both this and the original story, and I was so ready to dislike this, because I loved the way Rodney and Jennifer and Ronon were together and I assumed you were either going to put cracks in them or make me sad about them replacing John/Rodney. *g* And instead -- I'm still a little sad, and I do hope this John finds someone else (consider it a third take on it all...), but it was lovely, and sad but also heart-warming, and I still love the three of them from this side view, and also John and Rodney and their failure to maintain and their steps back towards each other. Thank you.

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

So glad you enjoyed my story, and thought that it added rather than subtracted from Friendshipper's story - I consider it successful, for that!

[ldyanne.livejournal.com]

This is just perfect! I really felt the distance between John and Rodney and John and his team in the previous fic, this addresses that distance and fixes it beautifully. Thank you for sharing!

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

So glad you enjoyed it! I found John's distance painful, sweet as the story was otherwise, so had to write this - glad my fix works for you, too! ^^